Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children AMV

This is my first attempt at making an AMV, hope you like it.

This is evidence of how Nine Inch Nails is starting to sink in deeply in me: the song is "And All That Could Have Been" from the 'Still' part of the live album of the same name. It's interesting how this song appears to not be the center of attention of the album, not even a single; I'm guessing it is just one of those amazing B-sides that everybody loves, but the band doesn't want to make such a fuzz about... phenomenal song, nevertheless.

By the way, sorry for using YouTube for the stream, I know it can get very slow. Try to be patient =)

To an Atheist...

First off, let's separate God and religion. God is in what you trust in explaining the parts of the world around you that YOU can't explain; this may be whatever you want it to be. Religion is just a standardized way to worship, communicate, pray, etc. to what you believe in, and making it easier to understand to most people. Of course, because these religions are built by man, wrote by man, they are doomed to be flawed... so if you're bringing up logical arguments refuting the Bible, or the Coran, etc., good for you, you have beaten twenty something scribes that lived 2,000 years ago; however, that's not refuting the existence of God, just the interpretation of what is God made up by a handful of persons.

This is my interpretation: God is all-powerfull and built the essence around you... no, not the houses and cars, those were built by man, but they used materials made by God, which can be reduced to arranged subatomic particles, energy (heat, light, etc.), and logic itself. And, because he is all-powerfull, he can, for example, sin if he wants to but in such a way that he's is not sinning or be all-loving without appearing to be: imposible? Yes, of course, he's God, he can do whatever he wants. He build you, he build logic, he's beyond you, he's beyond logic. He acts in a way that seems illogical with which you can try to prove his inexistence, but that's like a parent giving a baby a toy gun and the baby thinking that he can kill his parent with it.

Now, why do I think such a God exists? How can you be certain that he's there if the only tool you have to prove it is not sufficient enough to begin with? Well, for one, because I'm here, and you're here... and the odds of us two being right here, at the same time considering how many millions of years have passed through this universe, the repeated and continued one-in-a-billion happennings that had to occur for that to happen is completely, utterly, unbeleivably impossible, yet here we are. But this reason is flawed because, firstly, the possibility is still there and a long time did pass, so the impossible may have happenned just by chance, and secondly, it is still using logic...
So, two, I'm believe he's there because I feel it (another thing that he built: emotions) and it feels right, something in my gut assures me that he is there, maybe it's a psychological thing, but you can't deny that if we were built by chance we wouldn't have the necessity of believing in something to feel better, we would all be, well, non-believers (an atheist may beleive in something), hell, even science could be considered as a type of religion... but, why do we create religions? why is there a need to connect to something bigger than us? I don't know, maybe there's something inside us that is trying to maintain contact with it's creator...

Well isn't that just convenient for you. You fiat God into existence because, "it feels right in your gut" (Iraq 'felt' right in Bush's gut too).

Then to counter all logical argument, and all questions like how did he come into existence, or how he is a logical contradiction, you declare him above logic, and mere mortal question. (funny, the same was said of Zeus and Ra)

Science has already found out how the earth and the materials on it could have come into existence. There is simply no need for a 'God' anymore.

The only purpose God serves now is to inflame passions of people against each other, and give morally wrong issues like banning abortion, rejecting stem-cell research, denying condom use in Africa, a chance to be morally right because 'that is God's will'.

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful." - Seneca the Younger

Religions change, but the countless number of men who are ready to die for them never has.

And there you go again with putting religion and God together: God did not "inflame passions of people against each other" or "give morally wrong issues like abortion...", man did that all by himself. God does not change, man does, and so does man's interpretation of him; the way that small differences in these interpretations can strike us as being personal is just a waste of energy...

I admit that it can be strange and disarming the fact of putting God over logic like that, which basically kills every type of contradiction. But, in a way, it kills every type of argument for it as well...

"It's a good thing you ask these types of questions, it means that he's working."

I'll try and explain my interpretation the best that I can: I'm basing my believes in both an intellectual and emotional sense, and, yes, this explanation, for me, is logical and feels right at the same time (that's why I accepted it). You are not just the part of your brain that thinks, you have a feeling part as well. If every decision out there were to be done by just rationale, one could conclude that, because of all the damage that man has done to the environment and each other, all of mankind should be exterminated for the good of Earth's and, potentially, the Universe's future. This makes sense: it would give the Earth time to heal and turn back to when before man appeared and everything was balanced... does this feel right to you? There are many other types of examples like this in which a logical solution can be reached that would certainly solve the problem, but at a sentimental price that cannot be undertaken. There needs to be a balance between both...

You called my way of seeing things 'convenient' and, at the same time, the only thing YOU think about when people believe in God is how bad it has turned out for them: well, isn't that 'convenient' as well? What about when it has turned fine? When they felt right? The same way that Gandhi felt it was right to free South-Africa and India (by way of peaceful disobedience), the same way that Marthin Luther King Jr. felt it was right to fight for race equality (not just for african-americans), and other millions of men and women out there who by feeling what's right and following what they beleive God's wants them to do has actually being good for society. You do pay your meal when you eat, don't you? If you care for someone, you help them in their times of need, right? Why? You could say that's your own decision, and you alone decided to do whatever you decided to do ('God' did not take a part on any of it), and I agree, because that's your belief, and that's your 'God': you... yep, you are God... to you, you are... just like everyone else has their own interpretation of God, even if they don't call it 'God'. Some call it Zeus, others Allah, Jehova, You, etc., they still follow a belief of what is good and what is bad. That may have been instructed by their parents, and their parents' parents, etc. Did the monkeys teached us that? Who knows? Maybe they did. Maybe the animal that came before teached the monkeys, and so on... but, where did that moral structure come from? I certainly don't know, and it's probably irrelevant... what I do know is that it is what connects us all to each other today, what makes us a society, and the fact that the majority of us feel very strongly about whoever doesn't follow that moral structure is evidence of it. There are some universal rules that we don't know where they came from. I'm not talking about stuff like "homosexuality" and "abortion", those are just what SOME follow and call it 'religion'. I'm talking about the universal ones (care for one another, don't do unto others what you don't want done onto you, viceversa, etc.), the ones that are so natural in our beings that we don't even know we are following them, the ones we feel are the right thing to do... that is God, and there's still obvioulsy a need for him.

We can't explain where they came from, and they're beyond logic: have you ever known of someone that loves someone that won't love them back? Have we ever figure out how do we come up with an idea? And why in the world does it feel so good to hug someone? It makes no sense!... but it's there, ever-present, all-knowing, none-changing 'God'; the reference point to our emotional side, if you will. The rest, is just man's doing.

This is why I keep saying: God is not the same thing as religion...

By the way, science hasn't found out how many materials came into existence. There are plenty of things out there that right now cannot be explained: like how does a thought exist physically? How do we store so much information in such a small space? WHERE DID THE ATOM COME FROM?

I'm not saying that God is the explanation to these questions. What I'm saying is that we, as men, with science as a vehicle, are far from over, and I believe that God is the one pointing us in the right direction.

Also, I don't recommend that you argument using quotes from other people, specially from someone with such a 'colorful' reputation:

"Medieval writers and works [...] believed that Seneca had been converted to the Christian faith by Saint Paul, and early humanists regarded his fatal [suicidal] bath as a kind of disguised baptism."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seneca_the_Younger#Seneca_as_a_humanist_saint


Oh and the war in Iraq didn't 'feel' right in anyone's gut, it was just plain stupid. ;)

The basis for altruism is evoultion. I'll find the study in a bit, but the basics is that the humans and chimpanizes that hunted together survived, while the loners and "murders" were not successful in reproducing. This is why it feels good to hug someone and be nice to someone... Evolution has trained us with the basic moral teaching, and through rational thought we get the rest.

Nonetheless, I think we may be aguring the same thing. Correct me if I'm wrong but while I leave the unknown as the unknown, you just call it God. You don't seem to think of him as a super powerful being who directly interfearse with human life and promises him an afterlife, it's more like the unexplained.

Mmm... I haven't thought of that: evolution as the source of society/altruism. It makes some sense, although I'm not completely convinced that the "murderers" were not successful in continuing their gene pool: like lions killing other lions' cubs, or the strongest beating the hell out of others is the one that gets to reproduce. However, it could be that us, humans (as well as the evolutionary branch that we come from), when looking for a mate check how 'good' he or she is, instead how well he or she fights or kills something else, leaving the 'good' ones alive.

You think right: we are arguing something very similar. Thinkin of him "as a super powerful being who directly interfearse with human life and promises him an afterlife" is a religiuos thing, and it sounds nice on paper, and a good story to tell the kids, but doesn't feel right to me (see, there's that gut again). Although, there are some 'unknown' stuff that I wouldn't call 'God', so it's not like 'if you don't know what that is, it's probably God" (another religious thing). We will found out if there's life on other planets, we are getting more knowledge from the genome project, those were unknown back in the day, and some of that stuff was considered God at some point, which completely sucked.

It's kind of difficult to explain what I think God really is, because I do believe it is SOMETHING, like some kind of energy, and I do belief it can interact with the world/universe, just not that 'immediate'. I believe that there's a plan, that started a long time ago. Man is just part of that plan, and there's a purpose for man, the thing is that I/we don't know what that plan is or where is leading us (that's the 'unkown' I'm talking about). We we're built like we are for something, and actually, now that I think of it, the evolution thing fits in this: every other species out there uses some kind of ability for mate choosing (strength, how good a nester he is, looks, etc.), that we know of. Man is an apparent exception in this rule: we ALSO judge how 'good' the mate is... actually, man is already an exception in so many other ways: rationale, complex tool building, curiosity for the unknown. Doesn't it feel like all of this is going somewhere?

And about the interference, I believe there is some type of interaction, although it's not going to be as if prayer will change anything: the plan is made, and there's nothing that's going to change that. The interactions that I'm talking about are more in the sense of those one-to-a-billion-odds thing that happenned that are the reason we're here: the exact amount of material in the life soup millions of years ago at exactly the right time, the fact that some primates lasted so long to develop certain skills, but man obtained rationale (something that I believe is much more complex than knowing how to stick a branch inside a hole and then licking it) in such a relative small amount of time. It appears as if something accelerated the process for us, maybe it was a random thing, which is true, but in this sense, that's what I would call "God's doing"...

Yeah, I think that is what best explains what I think God is: blessed randomness; those little quirky things that we are beyond our control, but somehow are interconnected to a simple coin toss.

I guess I've always been content leaving coincidence as chance rather then directed purpose. In the absent of evidence establishing purpose, I opt for chance because it is the simpler option (occam’s razor).

I've also felt that there is little reason to give humanity a purpose. If we don't know what our purpose is, then in effect it means that we will not be able to work towards it any more effectively then if we felt we had no purpose. Furthermore, why state that there is a purpose controlled by an outside God if there is no real evidence to prove it and it would be simpler for a people to not have a purpose (once again occam’s razor)

I felt compelled not to answer back, because he basically shot himself in the foot (maybe unknowingly) and I didn't want to rub my nose in it, but I guess people who read it will get it: basically ended up saying that "I don't believe in God because it's simpler this way." Wow, what an anticlimactic end to such an interesting debate.

NIN, Me and You

Ok, now that I've gotten hold of myself (mostly), maybe I'll write about it a little bit.

First off, I have to admit that I wasn't such a devoted NIN fan. I knew about them, mostly because of Elsa, a friend of mine, and her boyfriend, who spoke highly of them (and still do). I had heard some of their songs and most of them blew me away: I considered them an spectacular band who did impressive and unusual songs, but at the same time they were a band whom I would never acquaint myself with because they seemed so foreign to me. This was about a year and a half ago...

A little before I moved to Manchester, Elsa recommended some of their songs for me to hear in my affairs. She and I believe that music can heal, and I think that that was her motive (I was going through a weird thing emotionally back then, still am I guess). Anyway, so I downloaded some of those songs from the iTunes Store, which lead to me listening to them sporadically with the wonderful and all-knowing random playback in iTunes. Then I began noticing the inspiring harmonies and the way that Trent manages noise in his songs, so I continued to listen to them but now more and more often; the songs, the lyrics, everything began sticking to me. "Right where it belongs" became one of my favourite songs of all time, with "And all that could have been" coming close to being in that list as well. And if you consider that my beloved Metallica and A Perfect Circle, whom I am a huge fan of, have been in this list since I've considered myself a musician, this addition is saying a lot for me and for them.

Then, the knowledge that this concert was going to come about reached me. During this time, I met Carlos Garcia, whom with I now form a predecessor of what could be considered as a band. He tooted about going, and got me interested: 'Fine. I'll give them a shot live.'

I couldn't get a ticket to the first show, so I got one for the second. It actually worked out, because, first of all, I have a video conference with my mum every sunday. And second of all, I think I would've felt less intimate with Trent if someone I knew, but didn't know that well, would've been there at my side.

I enjoyed myself more than I have ever in a concert. In all fairness, I haven't been to a lot of concerts, mostly because either the tickets are too expensive, the concert is too far away, or I know the band is going to suck live. There are a lot of bands out there that are like that: good stuff on studio, but can't quite get it when it comes to porting that stuff onto a stage. Frankly, I thought NIN was going to be like that... oh my God, was I wrong!

I think that if you would've video-recorded me throughout the show, you would've seen my transformation from a passer-byer to a complete convert. First I was seating, and I planned to stay seated. The seats were kind of crappy, which, I thought, work out so I could better appreciate the music without the screaming horde blowing my tympanums out. Then some people started to stand which started a chain reaction that led me to stand (one person in the front forces the one in the back to stand, and so on), but at that moment I was already getting into the mood a little bit so I didn't mind.
Then they played Closer, a familiar song for me. It blew my mind how right on was Trent on his singing, and how well the electronic parts of the songs were fitting into the whole of the song: not invasive, but essential. The sound was engineered beautifully, and the intent of the song was coming in through without space for misunderstanding. During the next songs, I realized that Josh Freese was on drums; I didn't know my beloved drummer from APC (regarded as the "busiest drummer in the business" by Billy Howerdel) was in there, pulling out his elbows to the air before hitting his snare drum like he always does. And then I looked to my left and there is Jeordie White, the base player of, again, APC. Then, I remembered that Trent was a kind of external entity from APC as well, with The Tapeworm Project and all. There they were: Jeordie, Josh, Trent... the musicians that, in a way, I listened while growing musically were right there.

Throughout their next songs I realized that they fit... of course they fit, and I fit as well. A decision was upon me: is this my music? I looked around: I needed the guitar, if I fit there needs to be a guitar that fits too, and Aaron was on my right blowing the crap out of the poor guitar's neck. It made me wonder: I was hearing it fit, so was he fitting? It wasn't coming in clearly. Then I realized that the guitar I was looking for is not him, is Trent. Then it hits me: NIN is not this band, it's Trent. Whatever the other guys are doing, Trent was the one that envisioned it; of course, they're amazing in their own right and put their beautiful style into it, but the basis of all of what I'm hearing is Trent...

I'm hearing Trent, and it fits.

And like if I'd given him a cue, he began to play "Hurt". The stuff that I have been struggling with came to me in a wave, and I found myself crying. At that moment, I wasn't looking at him, I was looking at the ceiling, at my cell phone texting myself of that moment, at myself. I was hearing myself talk to myself and to her and to him through Trent's lyrics.

I was hearing myself speaking Trent's words, and everything, just for that moment, fitted... In that moment, I fell in love with 'Trent', that entity that wrote those words, and gave them to me to speak what I needed to say:

Thus, I'm in love with myself, further confirming the presence of my narcissistic side that has proven lethal to me and my endeavors, but for once I find a way to not only acknowledge it as I haven't done in such a long time, but to also love it, to accept it.

"I am who I am. I, you and everybody else has to deal with it by either confronting me about it, ignoring it, or grow to love it."

Ancient words of a young, naive soul. Old words can also be empty and this is pretty much the case... Loving oneself doesn't stop on declaring it, but on admitting to it and doing something about it, which in itself involves a change in the self that one loves... it's completely contradictory! A change like that takes time, and by the time you're done (which I doubt you will), you're dead. You might as well give your sand castle away to the ones you love, to the ones you haven't tried to change, and let them see whatever they want to see in it:

"If you truly love something, let it go. If it comes back, it'll be yours forever. If it doesn't, it wasn't meant to be."

Fine. Let's do that. I'll let myself free and see if I come back to me. I'll be me, with my fear of rejection, with my doubt of being me, with my completely incongruent narcissistic side, being the depressing one, the hungry-for-attention one, the one who writes a blog to act out on his literary side to impress someone, anyone, ... y'know, the real me.

This is me. With all my stupidities and illogicalities (like that one), this is me.
I'm giving myself to you, whoever you are reading this, because I love you, because you are me. And I can't love me so I'm giving myself to you to become you, and, because I love you, I'll love myself then.

...and Trent's words were the vehicle of this realization.

Then they went to "The Hand that Feeds" waking me from my awareness, and I continued to thoroughly enjoy myself for the rest of the show.

I am now a NIN fan and, although you may not know it yet, you're going to be one as well.

NIN has made the impossible

This is me... without words...

Social Networking and Me

I finally succumbed to it: I am now socially networked. People can find me and sing "Happy Days" because of it.

I'm uploaded and it feels somewhat comfortable.

I decided that this blog will be the center of my networked self... my soul, if you will. So, I did some redecorating, with some help from Blogger/Blogspot new templates, hope you like it. If everything goes well, maybe the list of readers will go up from three to, I don't know, five? six? One can only be so lucky, hehe. And if it does, I want the place to look nice. The blue background with gray letters theme was getting too uptight and it actually hurted my eyes when reading it for long periods of time; considering the length of some of my posts, it would've had to be dealt with at some point anyway.

Next, I checked in the obvious places for a start: Hi5 and MySpace. I already have profiles in both of them (see my links section on the sidebar), so there a source of inspiration and a source of copying and pasting for the other profiles I was about to open.

I also decided to put a link to my C.V. here. I already had it since around September 2006 up on my personal pages area that the University of Manchester gave me to play around with. I figured putting my C.V. up there seemed logical and so does linking it here: big change.

Then came the two big ones: Facebook and Twitter.

I still don't know what Facebook is. I know it has something to do with social networking, but its potential makes it much more than that. The possibility of uploading photos and pointing out who is actually in them was quite an interesting and elegant use of the MAP tag that I thought was going to be lost to deprecation. Naturally I found a couple of friends that I hadn't spoken to in ages, and I think I basically used everything I could from the site.

Unfortunately my mobile is based in the UK so no messaging from or to Facebook is going to be possible for now, and the emails for confirming my University's email took almost 8 hours to get to my inbox, making the process a little boring. I did my badge and put it up in here; I know, it's quite small, without a lot of information. The thing is that I didn't find a lot of options which I felt comfortable posting in a website and putting out there for our friends the phishers. If anybody should want to look further into me, I suggest that you go into Facebook for more info. I think I have pretty much anything you want to know about me in there (even this blog is being fed in there), and at the same time I feel protected. The badge does have my most recent photo uploads which I find nice to the eye, and, if you click on the photo, it will take to the original upload (after you log in, of course).

I did another badge with more information, but in a dynamic image (more difficult to phish off from); both of these options are given by Facebook itself, by the way. I might add it to my email or forum signatures, although I'm not quite convinced of using it yet. The fact that this little image is going to contact the Facebook servers everytime somebody reads one of my emails or forum posts doesn't really scream efficiency for the reader.

Another thing that I found, at first, interesting was that I could post a status message (sleeping, reading, at school, etc.), but I have to log in to Facebook to change it which is kind of a drag when you want to change it several times a day.

Enter Twitter... it's basically that feature but with much more ways to update it: from the webpage, messaging to an IM bot, or, the one that blew my mind, by texting to an specific number here in the UK. And it's free, which is always nice. If you click on the 'status' on the "More About Me" section, it will bring you to my Twitter section that'll show you all the differents status that I've posted. Basically, if there's a stalker out there, I'm doing the stalking for them: hey, remember, keep your friends close, but your enemies closer, hehe, (I have to see that movie!)...

Happy days indeed.