... Sort Of

I've waited much this day, and work's completed... sort of. I always tend to describe a phase of my life by a phrase, and this past few months have been exactly that: "sort of". Everything is closer than being finished than ever before (which, logically, it always is, but that's a topic for another time), and there's a blinking light at the end of the tunnel. Blinking, unfortunately, so it may be just a figment of my imagination, which from grading my own sanity, it might probably well be.

For those that have endured my weird, non-constant, non-periodical ramblings, and care at least a little for it: you may ask yourself, "How is this any different than before?" If you haven't asked yourself that, you might want to ponder it now... don't worry... I'll wait...

... The difference is that there's no turning back now. I'm more than halfway there, it feels like it. If I know myself as well as I think I do, I know that I won't leave this unresolved; pride is one part, fear is another. Yes, fear. You see, my mum is quite the silent psychic; once she just felt that I needed to bring an extra pair of shoes to a holiday trip to a place that unexpectedly had strong showers. I think I had some of that passed on to me, as I'm always thinking "Five years from now, I'm going to regret not finishing this, being so close to it." And it is true; not the best reason to finish it I suppose, but it does the job.

It's an acquired taste this research thing, and it has been a weird path to acquire it. I'm not too sure that I've acquired it completely though; I hope that the other half of the path takes care of that.

So here I go, ready to jump in this next part, and see it through the end... sort of.

Who is screwing who?

I live under a rock, apparently. No wait, I live in the United Kingdom (which may actually qualify as being under a rock). And I just came across the most hideous way to tell your partner you're screwing someone else:

It gets even better in the strike back:

Funny, yes, but what impresses me the most is the kind of pull that this Jimmy Kimmel has! His show is nice (I've watched it a couple of times in YouTube), but it isn't that nice. Just goes to show you how far a guy can go to hurt the people he has been betrayed by.

And for the record, I know it's a gag... well, I hope it's a gag, for the good of the little dignity that Hollywood and all of the invited guests have.

A Dream

Children talk about what they want to be when they 'grow up'; dreams of yonder, and sighs of tomorrow. Unfortunately, they don't realize that it implies one little thing: growing up. A dream is affected by situations and external factors that change it, corrupt it. A dream is an innocent thing when being child, even noble sometimes (a firemen, a doctor, an astronaut), just like a child. Then, through the process of growing up, that dream grows up too. It changes: "Well, maybe not a firemen, too dangerous, why not a chemical engineer? I can still deal with fire and maybe save some lives." Then it comes to the point that it's possible that the dream, when grown up, is a completely different dream with a completely different objective then what it had when it was born... just like us.

I don't have or done many things to be proud of. Being an only child was a crutch that until very recently have I been taking away, and I'm not known as being ambitious. But I do have one thing: my dream.

As I stood there, 12 years old, in front of 30 or so parents and teachers, I recited my speech. It was for a grade for the Oral Communication class, about a week or two before I graduated from junior high. I felt a sudden stroke of steadiness in me while I was shaking like a mad man. I had my notes on my hand and the group in front of me. I started. The topic was about my top ten most influential persons; I don't remember them all, although I do believe I included the persons who helped cleaned the school as one of the top ones (I liked talking to them). Everybody was looking at me, not with the comfortless stare that I was accustomed at the beginnings of puberty, but with interest and surprising wonder. I loved it, and I craved it from then on.

I found myself directing small study groups where it was mostly me over at the blackboard explaining a problem, or everybody gathered around me and my laptop seeing how to debug lines of code. My geekiness strived around the fact that it didn't really matter if I masterfully knew the subject that I was talking about, it was about how well I transmitted what I knew about it that made the difference. Einstein, although a great mind, was a terrible teacher because he didn't know how to conduct himself in front of a group of persons.

It was during my high school years that I confirmed my dream, my 'What am I Going to Be When I Grow Up?' story: I want to be a teacher. It hasn't changed after high school; no matter what has happened around me, it just keeps getting harder and harder to steer me away from it. It also really doesn't matter if I'm in a school or not (although, I rather be in one), while for an hour or so I'm in front of a group of people and they grant me that beautiful "Oh! So, that's how it's done." And some decades later, I receive the news that one of my students made it big and became a teacher, and loves it as much as me.

Such is my everlasting dream, and tis' I: the dreamer.

Using a Motorola L6 to Connect a Powerbook G4 to the Internet by UK T-Mobile

EDIT: Sept. 5, 2009. The information presented in this post is possibly out of date. Specifically, the dial-up telephone number is suspected to have been suspended by T-Mobile UK. For information on how to use this same mobile as a GPRS-capable modem in Snow Leopard (Mac OS 10.6), please read this other post.

I've always liked the idea of being able to connect to the Internet from anywhere. I'm a PhD student after all, the Internet is my life now. The problem is when I'm not near a Wireless Hotspot or an Ethernet port. Cellular Signals are the next best thing: my mobile here in the U.K. has Bluetooth, my Powerbook G4 has Bluetooth. There should be a way to use my phone as a sort of modem for the laptop. Well, yes, apparently there is.

It took some time to figure out, not because it was difficult, but because T-Mobile (my carrier) doesn't give a lot of information for the appropriate setting to make this happen.

As it says on the title of this post, I used a Motorola L6 phone. My Powerbook G4 has Mac OS X 10.4.11 installed. No other software was needed.

First, I paired the phone with the laptop. It's a pretty straighforward process, I just needed to turn on Bluetooth on the Mac and on the phone and make it be discoverable. During such process though, it was important for the Mac to know that it can use the phone as a modem; almost at the end it asks such question. It can use the phone as a modem in two ways; the Motorola L6 and T-Mobile work with GPRS, so that option should be checked.

After that, it will ask for what script/driver to use and other information that T-Mobile for some reason doesn't make public, but I found them and I know for a fact that they work.

Script/Driver: Motorola iR TimePort (7089). (This one took a long while to uncover...)
Telephone Number: +447953968999
Account Name: user
Password: wap

Before you hit that "Connect" button, though, go to Systems Preferences, make it show the Bluetooth settings. Then, under the PPP tab, click on PPP Options and uncheck "Use TCP header compression". Apparently, it doesn't like it when the header is compressed, complains about it quite a lot in the logs to the point that it crashes the pppd process, leaving the device unreachable afterwards (something about failing to open the device file, because of permissions).

Also, be aware that even though I can now potentially connect to the Internet anywhere there is a cellular signal, it is very slow (took almost half a minute to pull up Google.com) and very costly (it is making a call after all) so, even though it's a nice choice for connectivity, it should just be a very nice last choice.

Light

I frequently find myself analyzing what I'm doing and where I'm going. Unfortunately, I also find myself not doing much about it, because it turns out that, as I've seen in myself the past few weeks, I'm a very complicated being. I carry baggage, a lot of baggage. I blame this baggage for what I am, good and bad, but I think it's time I put it to rest:

"The thing with Julia and Hugo screwed me over." No it didn't, I screwed me over. I had nothing to do with this, I'm not part of their life, and they're not part of mine. We're not the threesome that we once were, but I wanted us to still be it, badly; it was me all along making my life miserable, not them... they're them and I'm me. It was nice when it was there, but now it's not, and finally I have come to the understanding that it's nobody's fault. People change, they carry on with their lives; I can't expect for them to freeze in their place while I carry on with mine. Even more so considering that they had each other for so long: it was bound to happen, and I'm truly happy for them. Congratulations if you're reading.

"Juarez will always be my home." No... Hugo was the only thing binding me to that city. Even before I left for Manchester, I knew that the house where I have lived in since I was 5 years old wasn't my house anymore, it's my parent's home. I moved to Queretaro and that was my home for a while, now I'm in Manchester and that will be my home for a while. After that? Well, that's for God to know and for me to find out... however, Queretaro seems nice enough.

"I will always be the 'lonely' one." No, Carmen has proven to be the best thing that has happened to me for a long while. If I feel lonely it's because of my own thoughts and needs, I've chosen to feel this way and I think it suits me. It's good to feel lonely, it gives opportunity for introspection and makes the time which I don't feel lonely much, much better: thank you for the time we spent together, baby, I know you're reading (coincidentally, "Wish you were here (Balkce Version)" just came up in iTunes).

Hate, intolerance... it's all baggage. I never thought that blame on others was too, but it is. Makes you think: "feeling light" may actually be a double entendre...