Today I went to see a very old friend of mine... God! I'm so attracted to her. But I know it's just the need to be with someone... or, is it? I mean, it's been like this for almost a year now. I've tried seeing other people, but there's nothing that can fill me like she does, stress me like she does, piss me off like she does... make me at ease like she does.
I hate this, though. Because I'm not sure if this is really what I think it is. She's seeing someone else, and the guy hates me... some stuff has happened that, although I'm not proud of, I wouldn't take back for a second. So I don't blame him. He's a very good guy and has treated her beautifully.
I've tried being only friends, but it's hard... ironic, I actually bragged about being able to do that but there's always this tension from at least one of us that doesn't let it be just a friendship. We have a history together that I can't erase to not think of when I see her or just read an email from her.
I've tried not seeing her at all... but always one of us falls into seeing each other to at least talk a while (being me the one with the bigger number of falls) which always lead to the dreaded but awaited conversation of us.
Crap, I'm seeing a pattern here... looks like I'm the one after her. "Yeah, but who's following you?" (I hated that movie)