Blind Chuckle

As I walk down the path to his rundown amusement park, some thugs dressed in clown suits come out of the shadows. Poor souls, thinking they'll make a difference; how does he find these characters?

I dispatch them in the same manner that I have so many times before and, like clockwork, his laugh echoes from a small hut in the distance. As expected, he sits waiting, with that demoniacal grin.

"Hello again, Batsy! Oh, what a wonderful sight for sore eyes!"

"Poisoning an orphanage, Joker. This may be a new low for you."

"New low? It was a new high! Did you see their faces? Such wonderful smiles. They loved my jokes, unlike some snarky snark we both know."

He sat there, waiting my usual cold response of "You're insane," or "I'm bringing you back to Arkham." But, I don't know, I just wasn't up for it anymore. Not with him anyway.

"How old are you?" I ask him.

"Ooh, thinking of asking me out, Batsy?" He strokes his hair in a clumsy attempt of a satirizing sexy pose. "Thirty years younger, my gloomy friend, and who knows what would have happened?"

That was obviously a clue.

"That would have made you around 35 years old when you killed Murray on live television." Remembering that terrible night.

"Oh my! Does Batsy like'em young instead? I mean, looking at Catwoman or Batgirl, I would guess so."

He's avoiding the topic. Joker may be unpredictable, but we've doing this for so long that I've picked up on some hints into his bluffs.

"That was 40 years ago, Joker. But you don't look a day older than 30..."

"Oh, hush, you makin' me blush!"

"75 years. And more than half of your life after me. Testing and poking to see if I would break my rules. Four decades of a back-and-forth that frankly it's not only getting old, but also..."

He stays silent. First time since ever.

"Aren't you tired? After all this time, you should have already suspected that I'm not going to change my mind. Wouldn't you like to stop? To focus on something worthwhile that, I don't know..."

His grin turns sour. "... on something that is not only getting old but, also, well lets face it: unfunny?"

I nod.

"Just like me! Hahaha!" He maniacally laughs.

However, a small smile creeps out of me too. I can't help it; that was actually funny.

"And there it is, old friend, the chuckle I've been looking for."

Wait.

'Chuckle'? Not 'smile'?

He also told me to 'hush'.

And he greeted me with 'a sight for sore eyes'.

I waive my hand in front of him. He doesn't react.

"Somebody went quiet. What ya thinkin' about? Has the Batman figured it out? Hahaha, of course you have. Jealous? I'm more like a bat than you, Batsy! Hahaha!"

I take out my portable CT scanner from my utility belt and point it at him. And, there it is: a tumor the size of a baseball in his medulla oblongata, the part of the brain that controls involuntary actions like breathing, cardiac rhythms... like sight. It's inoperable, and growing slowly.

He must be in terrible pain.

"Why so glum, chum? Didn't like my new friend? I think I'll name it: Brian. Like Brain? Get it? Hahahuh! Cah, cof. Uh. Hoo, hoo."

The choking in his laughter was impossible to ignore.

The rate of growth of the tumor is also problematic: without treatment, it will surely kill him, but it is going to take decades to do so. Decades of not knowing if the next breath or heartbeat is going to be the last. It is going to be hell.

"Oh, so much inner monologue, Batsy! Aren't you going to lock up the naughty Joker, the baddy batty Joker? Your parade by the Gothamites awaits!"

"No... not this time."

"Whaaa?" His mouth, wide open, was almost cartoonish.

"I can help you. Let me help you. Let's end this, and let's do it on a good note. Please. Let's just stop."

A beat of unending silence overwhelmed the hut. His stare turned sad for a millisecond. But...

"No, Batsy. It's too late for that. Cof, cah..." He stares blankly into the distance, and with an impossible sweetness he smiles at me. "Hahaha. 'On a good note', nice one!"

"Ha... didn't realize the pun. Hehehe" I chuckled. That's right. Chuckled.

Then I started laughing out loud, and he joined me, as we both started to tear up. Our joined laughter was a perfect melody that blocked out our joined cries.

...

I've always wondered why I kept the gun that I was going to use to kill Joe Chill (my parent's murderer). And I wondered even more why I always kept it in my utility belt.

It is now clear why.

I pull out the gun and point it at his forehead.

"Goodbye, old friend."

"I always knew I could count on you, Batsy. Hahah..."

His blood spatters all over my cape, and as he falls to the ground, I realize: 'Count', Get it? Like Count Dracula? A bat? He he he. Ha...

Ha ha ha HA HA HA HA ha ha he he he... ha... aahh ahhh!

AHHH! AHhh! ahh... ahh... ehh ehh... sigh...

... so you left me too, old friend. The only one that actually understood, even when I couldn't. I hope you're happy. He he he...

I remove my cowl and throw it along with the gun. They land beside his body.

I sit at his side as I hear the police sirens getting closer.

I take out my handcuffs and fit them onto my wrists.

I still have my rules, old friend: I will accept my detention as the consequence of your freedom.

He he he... funny.

 

I just realized that you were right all along, Joker: life can be funny sometimes. I'll try to remember that.

J19 Zeta 7

"You're too cold, too distant. You think you know it all and you know what Rick? You may actually know everything, but you don't feel anything."

That was the last time she ever spoke to me. Idiot. She didn't know what that meant for this dimension.

Every Rick has a Morty. I needed a Morty. She leaving me would have left this dimension incomplete. And incomplete dimensions are bound for destruction.

Gratefully, she re-married. Her daughter married an idiot, like expected, and created my Morty. A real, complete, utter idiot... he was perfect for me.

["Gratefully, she re-married..." funny how language works.]

Do not confuse my frequent visits to her house as anything else: I was just supervising the progress of my Morty. When he was 14, I broke into their house and claimed what was mine.

He didn't talk much at first, leading me to believe that he had mental retardation. But, no, he was just (ugh) sad.

"Why are you wasting energy feeling like that? We are going to overthrow the Council of Ricks and rule everything!"

"Uhhh, I don't know, Rick. Uhh, I miss mom.... and grandma."

"Ungrateful idiot. I hope you realize that she almost doomed this dimension for destruction by leaving me. She almost killed trillions and trillions of species across this dimension because of 'marital problems'. Are you seriously telling me you miss that selfish bitch?"

Throwing my hands into the air in frustration, "Bah, who cares about her? Let's just do our thing."

"Uhh, yeah... wow, Rick, for a person that supposedly doesn't care abou..."

"And besides, she was always talking about feeling this and feeling that. Why? WHAT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT ABOUT FEELING?!"

"Uhh, Rick if you don't care about her, why are you so angry?"

"I'M NOT!"

He kept quiet. Too fucking quiet.

"Say something."

"uhh... I... I miss grandma."

"Oh for fuck's sake!"

"ok ok, fine... uhhh... what does this button do?" Pointing at the on/off switch of my portal gun.

"It turns it on. Don't touch it. It will throw you into another dimension."

"uuhh, cool, to what dimension?"

"Doesn't matter. If it throws you and you don't have a portal gun, you may get stuck there. I cannot let th..."

"right, I'm your cloaking device."

"Yeah. Because of that."

He looks at me annoyingly. The same annoying stare that she used to have. Fuck. He looks so much like her...

"huh, uhmm, and only that?" He taunts, smugly.

I stutter. "Of, of course. What else could there be?"

"uhmm... I don't know. Maybe something else?" he smirks at me. Like her. Her same smirk.

"Stop that. Right now."

"What?" he continues.

"Stop it, Morty."

"Oooh someone cares for somebody, doesn't he?" she says... I mean, he says. And he does it in that all too familiar and annoying tone.

"STOP. IT." My hands find themselves tightening his neck, picking him up from the floor.

"aghhhg, wh... wh" he stutters.

"WHAT?"

"wh.. wh... why?"

I can't answer him. I can't answer that question. I will not let myself lower myself to her... ahh... to his level.

[Why do I keep doing that?]

I let him go. As he falls to the ground, he lets out a small squeal. He even sounds like her.

"Fuck." I grunt.

This isn't going to work.

"uhmm, what isn't going to work?"

Fuck. Did he hear me? I thought I said that to myself.

"uhhh, Rick, what isn't going to work?"

Staring at him I can see the endless abyss of constantly seeing her. How am I suppose to use this Morty without seeing him?

It suddenly dawns on me, "Of course".

I won't bore you with the details. Long story, short: I work in my lab for the next couple of weeks in what probably is my greatest invention. A mind switcher. It's perfect: I'll switch with him. I'll leave my idiotic memories with him and he'll truly think he's a Rick. I'll keep mine, with a cognitive layer for cloaking. I won't need to see her anymore...

"uhh, what? see who, Rick?"

Fuck! 'Him'. I meant 'him'. I need to stop doing that.

"Rick? see who, Rick?"

"Nobody. Get in the machine."

"uhh, ok, what's going to happen when I do?"

"Shut up and get in."

I turn on the mind switcher. The result is instant. I stumble a bit, but it seems everything went well.

"uhh, Morty, Morty, what happened? What did you do?"

I stay silent. I walk towards my portal gun.

"Morty... what? how? Oh God... oh... something's wrong... I... I feel..."

"What?! No. You can't feel. There's nothing there that can feel."

"My God. I miss her so much! I loved her. The best thing in my life and she left me."

"No. Stop it. This is not you."

"What? Morty, of course it's me. I... Oh God!"

He starts crying.

"Oh for fuck's sake. Stop it." I grab my portal gun.

He turns his back towards me and crawls into a ball. I set my portal gun to dimension J19 Zeta 7. No Rick exists there. It's perfect.

"... ok. Ok. It's ok." He seems to start to compose himself. "Ok. I think I'm good."

I start shaking as I aim my portal gun at him.

"It's weird, though. I mean, it hurts, but I think it's ok. Because, you know what? I think it's for the best. She's happy you know. It hurts, but it's ok."

"What did you say?!"

"Yeah. You know. I'm really going to miss her. But, I'm happy for her. I think I wasn't the best for her. I'm glad she found someone that made her happy."

"STOP IT."

He starts to stand up. "And, actually, I think I'm going to be ok. It's going to be difficult, but if she's able to be happy, so can I. You know?"

"No. SHUT UP!"

I pull the trigger. He disappears.

Then my portal gun hisses. A hiss that usually comes from a teardrop falling onto a hot portal gun that has just been fired.

I stand in disbelief, but I cannot deny it.

"I miss her." I say out loud, but nobody is here to hear it.

There. I felt. Hope she's happy...

No, I... I mean...

[sigh... funny how language works.]

Best Kind of Practice

Since I was a kid, I've always wanted to be a public servant. It was romantic to think of me as a person that could defend others that couldn't defend themselves. That's why I decided to study Law, and I actually turned out to be good at it. Not because of any innate ability, it's just that if you like doing something, even if you're bad at it at first, the improvement comes with practice. Even more so if you have somebody to guide you through it.

The White House has always been for me a place that embodies public service, and I would not have imagined standing in its west entrance, about to meet with Josh Lyman, the Deputy Chief of Staff, for a job interview. To have a meeting with a person so high up in the administrative pyramid would usually mean good news, but this is a Democratic White House, a liberal White House, and Mr. Lyman doesn't like Republicans. The reason I was somewhat anxious was that I grew up in a conservative household; I was bred Republican.

Fortunately, I've had practice dealing with liberals... the best kind of practice.

I remember when I received the letter about a job offer as a clerk for Justice Roy Ashland. I was dumbfounded: he may well be the most liberal judge the Supreme Court has ever had, and he wanted me to work for him. At first I thought it was a joke, maybe a jab to my thesis supervisor, since they knew each other socially. When I told him, he smiled and said "So he did took me up in my suggestion. You two will be a great fit." He proceeded in telling me about his time as a clerk working with Justice Brady, who was the political polar opposite of Justice Ashland. My supervisor's friend, a brilliant fiercely conservative lawyer, was offered the same job as I was. He was also dumbfounded at the time, but he accepted the offer because we all know that clerking for an Associate Judge looks good in a resume, even if it is only for a couple of weeks. His friend ended up working for him for the next five years.

At that time, I was working in the New York City Department of Transportation but was looking for another job opportunity to grow in the public sector. So I took the job offer on those grounds, without any idea on what it would turn into.

When I first was called into Justice Ashland's, he looked at me with eyes that cut through flesh. Eyes that you either can't look at directly or can't stop staring at. They were indescribably off-putting, and quite effective at putting down other Justices. His eyes were legendary.

"Mr. Quincy. Come in."

"You can call me Joe, sir."

"We're not there yet, Mr. Quincy."

"Yes, of course, sir. I'm sorry."

"Not as much as I am," he said, pulling out a piece of paper from out of one the drawers from his desk. "Do you really believe that a company has the right to discriminate their clientele based on race, religion, sexuality or gender?"

He was referring to my Law Review Note I wrote ten years prior about a company's freedom of choice of who to conduct business with. This is a topic of contention between liberals and conservatives, and my Note made the rounds. It got some attention from conservative lawyers, including my thesis supervisor. It was not well received in liberal publications. "Oh, God," I said to myself.

"He's not here, Mr. Quincy. I, on the other hand, still am."

"I... well, I mean... see... capitalism works when the State lets the free market works itself out."

"You're not an economist, Mr. Quincy. And even if you were, and that free market dribel of yours were to be correct, you're basically saying that discrimination is fine if it makes money for the company. This is not about Economics, it's about Law. And you seem fine that a private school does not let homosexual students in."

At this moment, I don't know what happened, but I suddenly got very angry. He was turning my words inside out, making them say what wasn't there. I couldn't help it.

"What?! Where in that paper does it ever state that? You're completely misreading my contention!"

He grinned. His eyes completely shifted to something else. To some other kinder plane. "Good. Let's pause here. I need you to go back to your desk and re-write this paper in such a manner that someone like me does not attack you from that side."

"What side?", I stuttered, trying to compose myself.

"A private school is a company. The same as a hospital. In your paper you're not distinguishing between services that are essential and those that are luxury or with an abundance of options. With such a broad stroke, you're letting yourself be branded as a fascist."

I stood there in silence. Part of me was trying to absorb what he was saying, and the other was just too damn...

"And, Mr. Quincy, the moment you let the other side touch a nerve, you have lost the argument. Breathe. Thinking you're right is not enough. You need to be steady, for the sake of your point. That is all. I want to see a draft by tomorrow."

By this moment in time, my other side was a lake of still water. I walked outside and closed the door to his office. Then, a roar of thunder went through my head: he read my Law Review Note. A Supreme Court Justice read my paper and debated me about it. He cared.

The following day he called me into his office.

"I read your revised Note. Better. However..."

"Bring it on." I thought.

"Is it now your contention that a company has the right to discriminate in order to preserve our freedom of worship?"

"Yes, the people working in the company should not be forced to violate their freedom of worship when working there. If homosexuality is a sincere violation of their religious beleif, the State should not require the person to deal with them."

His posture was unfazed, and his eyes were staring right down my soul. I continued, "Let's look it another way, I think you would agree that the State should not force a Jew to deal with a known Nazi."

He smiled. Looked down at his desk. Nodded. And with with a calm but rumbling voice said: "You are not equating being a homosexual to being a Nazi, are you?"

"N... No. Of course not."

"And protecting people that carry out illegal acts based on their religious beliefs would open the freedom-of-worship clause up for abuse. Companies would start quoting the Quran to justify cutting off hands because of theft."

"Right..." I didn't know how to respond.

He leaned back, as if a demon just exorcised itself from his body. His stare turned kind again. "Ok. Let's leave it there. It was a good jab, but too big of a swing. We are not psychics; we cannot judge the legality of an act based on what's in the perpetrator's head. Also, don't use Nazis in your arguments. You're just begging to be ridiculed. Come back tomorrow with a better response."

"Yes, sir."

I didn't sleep that night, reading court cases and rulings to find some precedent, inspiration, providence. Anything. By the time I was called into his office the following morning, I had nothing.

"Well, Mr. Quincy?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I couldn't come up with a better response."

He looked at me with the kindest of stares. "Are you saying that you now believe the State should mettle in the inner workings of a family bakery?"

"No. Well... maybe. What you said yesterday, made sense. But..."

He sat in his chair, in silent expectation. "Yes?"

"I guess it depends..."

"On what?"

All of a sudden, something clicked inside of me: "You've been playing with the words ‘people', ‘person', and ‘family' in the same context as ‘company'."

"I wouldn't call it ‘playing', but go on."

"A company is not a person. It doesn't have the same rights as a person, like participation in a democratic vote or public education. But it doesn't have the same obligations either. The State cannot expect the company to conduct itself with the obligations of a person, such as ‘do not discriminate', because it isn't one. So a company can discriminate if need be. The people inside the company, however, may suffer the consequences of those actions, either by being sued by the discriminated clientele or by the free market itself."

"Good."

"Good? Really? Did I change your mind?"

He belt out a big laugh. "No, Mr. Quincy. You haven't specified which people inside the company should be sued, and, thus, should not be protected. Also, a monopolistic company cannot suffer the consequences from a free market when there isn't one."

"Oh... right."

"But, you're starting to sound more like a real lawyer."

I smiled. "Thank you, sir."

"Sleep for a few hours, and then come back to work."

"Yes, sir. Thank you." I don't know if it was the zombie-like state I was in, or the fact that the six cups of coffee were wearing out, but I couldn't help asking, "Sir, if I may: we obviously don't see eye to eye in a number of key issues. And you definitely have better things to do with your time. Why do this?"

He let out a faint sigh, as if my question was both expected and surprising at the same time. He leaned back again, and looked over my head. "I once read that David Goodstein, a famous physicist and a colleague of Richard Feynman, asked him to explain a quantum mechanics theory that I can't remember the name of. Feynman replied that he was going to try and prepare a lecture on it. A few days later he came back and told Goodstein that he couldn't do it. He couldn't reduce the theory into a set of practical, simple ideas with which he could explain it. He then concluded that because he couldn't explain the theory, he really didn't understand it. But he pursued it anyway, practicing and perfecting his method, to the point that he won the Nobel Prize in Physics. Feynman became an expert in quantum mechanics by trying to teach it."

He paused for a second, grinning, and stared back at me with those kind eyes.

"The night before I called you into my office the first time, I didn't sleep trying to figure out how to counter your Note's argument. I need the practice as much as you need to get better at arguing. I think it's a good win-win scenario, don't you think?"

I grinned back. "Agreed, sir."

"Good. Then, I need you to read up on a court case: Banes vs US Steel. I'll give you a week to familiarize yourself with it."

"Yes, sir."

A week flew by, and the following three nights were filled by sessions of extensive debating, each longer than the last. I attacked him from all sides I could think of, and each was easily blocked by a simple retort. This was followed by helpful advice, followed by some more reading from my part while he wrote some decision papers, followed by my next attack. We rinsed and repeated this for five years. Five years of glorious discussion, followed by smiles of disagreement.

To be clear, I never was able to break apart his defense in anything. And one would think that would have changed my political stance, but the complete opposite occurred: my conservativeness grew, my arguments were made more robust, and I became a better public servant because of it.

After my time as a clerk, I got a job with the Solicitor General of the Republican National Committee. A short while ago, however, the Solicitor General publicly argued against the Supreme Court decision to uphold regulations that limit soft money to political campaigns. That decision was written by Justice Ashland. It might have been my love for him, or that the arguments of the Solicitor General were so weak, but I found myself writing a memo to him arguing in favor of the decision. That's right. I, a Republican that was working in the National Committee, argued against soft money. It's like a Democrat arguing against abortion in a feminist rally. It was no surprise that I swiftly got fired from that job.

Then, I received an email from Justice Ashland asking me to come and visit. When I arrived I saw a copy of my memo in his desk. "Nice prose, Mr. Quincy."

By now, Justice Ashland knew how to put a slight grin on my face, "Thank you, sir."

"I may be old, but I can argue my own points, Mr. Quincy. You shouldn't have gone in a suicide run because of me."

"With all due respect, you're implying my memo was redundant, which I don't believe it is."

Bringing up my memo to his eyes, which are starting to familiarly fire up. "Let's see. You wrote, ‘Money can titter a balanced act, and its effect is quantifiable.' It's quite similar to what I stated ‘In policy, money is influence, and as such should be limited.' Would you agree on their similarity?"

"Half agree, sir." He stared at me with those prying eyes that I have already gotten accustomed to. I continued, "You stated that soft money should be limited because of its influence, but you did not established how they were connected. The Solicitor General argued that, because its influence isn't quantifiable, it shouldn't be limited. However, I showed that it is in fact quantifiable, and proposed a very reasonable method with which it could be limited. Meaning, my memo was not redundant. I argued my point further than yours, Mr. Justice."

He smiled, bittersweetly. "Yes. Yes you did, Mr. Quincy."

He sat down in his desk chair, looking a bit tired. "Since you seem keen on working for the Republican party after you left here, I never gave you a letter of recommendation because I thought it would hinder your job search instead of helping it."

"I understand, sir."

"However, me not giving you one does not imply I never wrote it."

He reached for a piece of paper in a drawer from his desk and handed it to me.

"Thank you for the gesture, sir."

"It's not a gesture, Mr. Quincy. Since your political party may not be receptive to you now, may I suggest working in the White House? They need the help."

"This White House? With a Democratic President? Do you think they would actually hire a Republican?"

"Mr. Quincy, I think you know my opinion on their incompetence and their tip-toeing around the lion's den of Congress. But, at the end of the day, they will hire a person that still just wants to serve. We're a rare breed; they'll see through the partisanship."

I nodded. "Thank you, Mr. Justice."

"No, Joe, thank you."


I tell the guard at the west entrance my name.

"Mr. Lyman will see you in the Roosevelt room, Mr. Quincy."

"Where is that?"

Suddenly, a blonde staffer approaches me, "Hi, I'm Donna. I'll lead you there."

"Thank you."

While walking, "So you're here for the Associate Counsel job?"

"Yes. Anything you can tell me about Mr. Lyman that could help me out?"

She looks at me, slightly squinting, as if she was pondering what she could say that wouldn't get her into trouble. "Josh gets cranky around this hour on a Friday. He has a card game with senior staff and he's not good at bluffing."

I never could tell if somebody was flirting with me. And I never know how to be witty when they do. "So, no talking about money. Got it."

"Well, unless you're negotiating salary, I guess."

"Or soft money in politics."

"Oh, yeah. He's against that, by the way. Actually, we all kinda are, you know."

She pauses. "You're not Joseph Quincy from the Solicitor General's office, are you?"

"Should I be worried?" already knowing the answer.

"Uhmm, well, I hope you've practiced arguing with a hardcore liberal like Josh."

I grinned. "Yeah," I thought. "The best kind of practice."

Tribes and Bridges

I don’t have many triggers, and I’m rarely offended. Scratch that: I have many triggers and I’m constantly offended. But, I have realized that these triggers all come from the same type of offense: tribal mentality.

The "me vs them" philosophy where every group is on an island and because they are not with us, they are against us. It exasperates me to no end when a black-or-white way of thinking forces people into rounding up or down their own ideology to whatever fits into their overly simplistic, divisive nature.

A prime example, and the reason I’m writing this now, is the US election. Now that it is over, a half of their population is befuddled while the other is celebrating.

I’ll try to make sense of both sides, and to do this I’d like you to meet David Wong. He, among other things, is the executive editor for Cracked. I normally don’t care much for the website outside of its humor, but two of his pieces really caught my eye. Especially since he presents the case for both sides, beautifully. He’s definitely in my "favorite authors” list just for this.

So let’s begin. I’ll start with the left’s side: socially liberal, economy federally-controlling,, progressive, etc. As of this writing, the left is bordering on depression, thinking “I thought we were better than this.” Its main problem towards Trump is he’s bigoted, racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic, etc.

David has made their case quite clearly of why racism and discrimination in general is still a thing, even having elected a black president and legalizing same-sex marriage. Yes, a white heterosexual male may not have ever discriminated against a black person, may never have diminished the opinion of a female or treated her as anything else than a human being, and may have never thought less or treated badly anybody based on their sexuality. Why is he still labeled as being privileged?

Because, as David points out, we can’t consider ourselves as just a group of individuals living in the present. We are a community that interacts with one another, and the reason that I’m here, writing this, in the present, is because of all the persons that have come before me. Yes, I don’t own a slave. Yes, I treat my wife with the utmost respect and with the love she deserves. Yes, I don’t discriminate. That doesn’t mean that I’m not reaping the rewards of the hideous things my ancestors have done to get me where I am right now.

If I walk down the street at night, I do feel fear of what could happen to me. But that’s nothing in comparison to what a woman feels in those circumstances. My fear is based on being mugged. Her fear is based on being raped. Big. Fucking. Difference.

The reason why I have the wonderful job that I have right now is, in great part, for the hard work that I’ve done over the years. Work that was of better quality than others and, thus, I could say that I earned this job through my own merits. But, another great part of the reason I got it is because I was fortunate enough to have parents that supported me financially to get the education I needed to let my hard work flourish. And my parents were fortunate enough to have parents that sacrificed themselves to provide a better life than they had. I stand in the shoulder of giants; I’m part of the history that is currently unfolding. To believe that I’ve done everything on my own and that I owe nothing to anybody, is being oblivious to reality. To this effect, to think that I’m not privileged over somebody because I have it the same as them because of equality of opportunity is the same as thinking that I was born out of nothing. There’s precedence; none of us have it the same.

However, there has been a misunderstanding when this point comes up: “being blamed for something” is very different as “being responsible to fix it”. Yes, I did not provoke the dreadful economic circumstances, as well as the social conflicts, that resulted in the social-economic differences between ethnicities and genders. Yes, I cannot be blamed for the sins of my forefathers. But, we are a group, and we are ALL responsible to fix this, including me. And since I am in a position of privilege, like it or not, I have more power to do something about it.

So, yeah, racism, sexism, homophobia, and their respective discrimination are still there. They may be there at a much lesser degree than centuries ago, than decades ago, but they are still there, and something must be done about it: if you know somebody doesn’t like an specific word, avoid it in their presence, but also talk about why is that word offensive; if you know women don’t feel safe in an environment, get in there and see what you can do to make it feel safer; if you see a person being left out of a group gathering, go talk to that person. Things like these may produce better circumstances for the person that are going to stand in our shoulders.

[Take a breath.]

Ok... time for the right’s side: social and fiscal conservative, market-dependent economy, etc. Right now they’re celebrating, but how? What is it that turned them on to that creep?

David made their case in another piece. Lets get something out of the way first: I am in no way condoning the words and feelings that Trump has stated; and in no way am I saying that people that agree with him in those terms do not exist. They do, unfortunately, and it’s sickening. The reports these past few days of the repulsive things carried out by that fraction of the population that has now decided to come out of their racist, xenophobic closet have been nothing short of horrifying.

However, it is arguably similar to how to some members of the black community reacted towards white folks when Obama was elected: “Now you sit in the back of the bus”, “Guess what cracker? I can kill you and nobody can stop me”, etc. The defense back then is the same as now: yes, these people do exist and they do this because of they live in their own fucked-up version of the world, but this was not the reason why the majority voted for him. In fact, many of the defenses I’ve heard from Trump supporters have been mostly in disagreement of his offenses, but that they’re willing to overlook them in the face of what he symbolizes for them: an outsider.

In this moment I want to remind you of what I mentioned in the left’s side of the argument: it is up to ALL of us to fix this. What is there to fix in this mostly white mentality? That, right there: being white is normally considered being privileged, however, in all of my leftist argument I never mentioned that I was privileged for being white. I’m Mexican, I’m brown as fuck. But I’m privileged in relation to others in my country. The mentality that just because somebody is white they can be automatically labeled as privileged, is just as ignorant as not acknowledging one’s own privilege.

Privilege is a complex thing. Yes, race has a lot to do with it (specially in the USA), but it also depends on where you live, who your parents were and how they were economically, access to healthcare and education, social stigmas, etc. Rounding it down to just “being white” is by definition being racist.

Many of the persons that voted for Trump live in small rural towns that are normally ignored by left-leaning governments. And when I say “ignored”, I mean given the economical middle finger... repeatedly. Manufacturing jobs are the soul of their economy, which are shipped internationally without hesitation by progressives. And, worse yet, these jobs are of companies controlled by corporations which, in turn, lobby the hell out of the government. When this is done time and time again, from both sides of the aisle, it presents a picture of the established government as not caring about them at all.

But here comes Trump, a person that presumes to not have those ties. “He doesn’t have any political experience” is a selling point. “Y’all can go fuck yourselves and shove your political correctness up your ass” is a battle cry. He gave them the opportunity for them to point out to the left their own hypocrisy: a group of people that has been tortured by censorship is now censoring people. When the left has this list of words we can’t say, I can’t help feel reminded of George Carlin's “10 words you can’t say on the radio” bit which ridiculed the right for doing exactly the same thing.

However, saying things out of comic relief, and actually meaning them is two very different things. To this effect, I turn to what David Wong wrote, since I can’t put it better myself:

"But Trump is objectively a piece of shit!" you say. "He insults people, he objectifies women, and cheats whenever possible! And he's not an everyman; he's a smarmy, arrogant billionaire!” Wait, are you talking about Donald Trump or Tony Stark?"

David goes on with the analogy with Dr. House and Walter White. Yes, they’re fictitious, but his point is still correct. An asshole is less of an asshole if he’s on my side… if he’s on my tribe. Hell, bring in the real-life left-leaning millionaire talk show hosts that are really offensive to the right (bashing on religion, fat-shaming conservative politicians, calling Sarah Palin a bitch, etc.), but the left doesn’t care: they are hitmen doing wet work for their side. A clear example that comes to mind is Bill Maher: he reeks of islamophobia but he still has a job (even after his 9/11 debacle) because his followers choose to ignore that about him. Or, as Wong remind me, David Letterman’s sex scandals: I love the guy and I had completely forgotten about them. Why? Because I agree with him politically. In fact, I remember pretty clearly the left rolling their eyes every time “Lewinsky” was uttered during the Clinton years. I rolled my eyes with them because in that moment I mostly cared that he was taking the US in what I thought was the right path for both the US and Mexico (big selling point for me).

So that is what Trump is for these rural white Americans: a savior in dire economic circumstances, packaged in an orange bigoted box with a sexist bow. But mainly, they have labelled him as their savior, because (to paraphrase David Wong) they believe: he doesn’t care about the rules, he is the one who will get shit done.

[I hope you’re all still with me.]

Blanket labelling all the persons that voted for Trump as racist and sexist is being as discriminatory and ignorant as a person that does not acknowledge their own privilege. The left has repeatedly asked the right to understand their plight, to walk a mile in their shoes, and understand the hurt and emotional turmoil history has brought upon them. Its time for the left to teach by example.

This is not a black-and-white world. Rounding up or down is too simplistic for a species that came out of the caves millennia ago. We have no need for tribes anymore. We are not our own enemy. To be tolerant of intolerance is the first step in getting rid of it because it forms the foundation of the bridges between our islands.

Be the better human being and reach out for understanding even if its difficult. Be a better human being. Be like David Wong… (hahaha, sorry, couldn’t help myself).

PS. Thanks to Cin Ceja for posting one of David Wong's articles on her feed. I hadn’t read him until now, and it was the seed for this entire post.

Sorrynotsorry

It’s been a while, I know. This type of absence is perfect evidence of the turmoil that has become my mind since last we spoke. But, frankly, I don’t want you to think I’m apologizing, I’m just acknowledging, and that’s a damn good first step.

I’m even struggling to write something right now, even though I do this all the time for work. And this struggle is unfortunate, since: first, it is rooted in me not wanting to fall in the typical, cliché blog post about anxiety; and, second, I’m still caring about your opinion, a typical, cliché collateral feeling of anxiety. Meaning that I’m still not there yet, and I’m beginning to feel that I never will.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not a post about me putting up a white flag and surrendering. This is not me giving up on getting better. On the contrary, this is me realizing something that I enjoy seeing somebody else realizing in literary fiction and have always thought of not needing to realize it myself: the concept of peace.

I’m not talking about the fantasy concept of peace that aims to have everything rosy and fine (ugh, how I loathe that word) between two enemies "just because". I’m talking about the realistic concept of peace in which both enemies approach each other and, even though they disagree with each other, have come to terms with the fact that they need each other to survive, so they might as well share the world in peace. They have come to realize that the destruction of one, is the destruction of both.

Anxiety, for me, is a monster that is lurking under my bed, whispering endless thoughts of self-disappointment, what-could-have-been’s, and what-can-happen’s. It’s despicable, disgusting, and tempting to destroy.

But... I can’t live without it. I couldn’t have lived without it. Those thoughts come with a sensational collateral plus: they make me better at what I do. The what-could-have-been’s are lessons to be learned; the what-can-happen’s are plans to be carried out and designed to avoid future what-could-have-been’s; and self-disappointment is a good incentive for avoiding them.

I want peace with it, the realistic one. I want to reach down under my bed and offer it cake, because we need each other to survive, so we might as well share it in the process. And I know this is a long haul; I’m not here stating that I’m okay. I’m here saying that I may never be and that I’m starting to be okay with that. That monster is me and it wants to be loved as much as I do. To want to destroy it is to want to destroy me. To avoid having those thoughts or feeling down when I do have them, is like I’m apologizing to myself for being me.

I’m not here to apologize to myself for what I am, I’m just acknowledging myself, and that’s a damn good first step.

Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey

Recently, a study was published that provided a link between right-wing ideology and cognitive ability. Actually, it provided a negative link, meaning: if a kid is showing signs of low intelligence, there is a high chance he'll adopt prejudicial attitudes later in life. The authors tested this theory with two highly representative data sets of decades-long sessions of sampling. There's little I could argue over their methodology. You can find the full study here: http://pss.sagepub.com/content/23/2/187

However, what I could argue is that this study is being misrepresented, and that what is thought of as being "right-wing" is usually wrong. And I do this because I've seen this study being used in social media as a flag-pole sign of how Democrats and members of the PRD-Morena Mexican parties are smarter than Republicans and well, whoever is not a member of PRD-Morena (PRI and PAN basically). It tickles me how this study, which shows prejudice as a sign of low intelligence, is used to prejudice people by other people thinking that they are being smart by doing so.

First off, the authors themselves state (note 1, page 193) that "We focused on social-cultural conservatism rather than economic conservatism, given that the former is more clearly related to prejudice (Jost et al., 2003; Van Hiel et al., 2010)." And what they mean by "right-wing ideology" is one that is "characterized by resistance to change and the promotion of intergroup inequalities" (page 188). This means, that they are not linking to any right-wing economic ideologies or political ones, only social ones. When framed like this, the study actually provides a pretty obvious conclusion: idiots like things to not change. Meaning: prejudice implies an absence of intent to grow intellectually (usually provided by greater diversity of opinions) which is itself a strong sign of a low cognitive ability. So, yeah, duh.

Every time I talk to a person that is against homosexuality or a minority coming in and taking his job, they rarely provide a logical, well-thought out argument. It's usually more of a sentimental one; one that comes from the gut, instead of the head. And I get it. These topics are usually ones that are too close to their feelings/identity: homophobes are such usually because of their parents teachings, so being fine with homosexuality is a slap in the face to their ancestors; nobody is born racist, but our brain is very good in fooling itself in finding patterns where there aren't any, and seeing a couple black muggers or Hispanic gangs is enough for prejudice to set in, specially when they live next to you.

However, I find it disappointingly ironic that while waiving this study as a flag against prejudice, they are in fact acting on a prejudice: right-wingers are dumb and left-wingers are smart. And they're doing so with an incomplete understanding of what being "right-wing" or "left-wing" means.

Being "right-wing" or "left-wing" is a many-sided dice, with different meanings depending on the context. Yes, socially speaking, "right-wingers" are usually those that are uncomfortable with change and, thus, discourage minority acceptance. However, economically speaking, a "right-winger" prefers the free market to provide solutions to problems, instead of having a centralized institution that regulates and oversees everything, such as the government, the preferred tool for good of the "left-winger". Politically speaking, the "right-winger" prefers a small government, charging few taxes, and letting the communities decide the solutions to their local problems, while the "left-winger" sees taxes as kind of social service, in which one nation implies one community, all governed by the same laws. Both have their pros and cons, but both have great minds behind them, which have been discussing for decades, even centuries. If one side was dumber than the other, shouldn't it have already won this economic/political argument?

In fact, I would submit that many of the economic/political philosophies of the "left-wing" PRD-Morena parties here in Mexico tend to be "right-wing": local indigenous communities with their own set of laws, lower taxes, and a small government with a small amount of power.

I would also submit that this study was used by a few, just a few "left-wingers" who liked being called smart by comparison, since it played right into their prejudicial mindset of "right-wingers" being homophobic, racist idiots. This wasn't about being smart or dumb, it was an us-versus-them issue. It wouldn't have mattered if the study would've concluded the opposite, I'm sure there would have been a few, just a few "right-wingers" using it to pour more gasoline into the flames of rivalry.

The irony is that I'm sure this few, just a few "left-wingers" didn't realize that they are part of a tribal battle in which it doesn't matter if you are right or not, you root for your team, and you boo everybody else. They didn't realize that they were behaving in the same manner the other side behaves for which they deservedly criticize them for. And, sadly, they didn't realize that by doing so, they were recursively casting themselves as dumb.

Reasoning with Bombs

He walked into the room. Both men were sitting, tied to their chairs, staring down each other. He sat down with both of them, glad that he taped shut their mouths. Religious army-types without guns talk as if their lives depend on it, even more so when it comes to justifying their actions.

In a brief flash, he realized that just having them both in the same room was an impressive feat in and of itself. Then he remembered the manner in which that meeting was arranged: violence may not be the best method, and shouldn’t be the first choice, but it always gets the job done. He reassured himself that he tried all the other peaceful, diplomatic alternatives, but these two almost seemed to like killing each other, and there’s no negotiating with that.

He looked down and took a deep breath:

“You may be wondering how you got here, but I won’t go into details. And, because I’ve been following you for a long while now, I know you, and I know what you’re thinking. So let me get a couple of points off my chest before we get started:”

“First, let me assure you that you are going to get out of this alive, so relax. In fact, it is imperative that both of you stay alive for both your sakes, but more on that in a minute.”

“Second, strip from yourselves the belief of superiority over me. You’re sitting right now where you are because of me and nobody right now suspects you’re missing, and they won’t for a couple of hours, so sit tight.”

“And, thirdly, you don’t know me; I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that. Don't waste your precious amount of focus in planning how to get back at me. Even if it doesn't look it, my intent here is to help.”

A deep stare right in the middle of the room seems to jump over his guests philosophical division.

“So, lets start with the obvious topic: why are you here? And the answer is that I’m sick of your war. I'm sick of the death toll. And I’m specially sick of seeing people around the world needing to choose a side and justify your actions and follies, as if it were a bloody football match.”

“Your fight is not even new. All your rhetoric, your whining, and your misguided words of condemnation of the other side is not even original. They’re your ancestors’ words. You’re both historical pawns, and you’re pathetically proud of it. So, get this through your thick, reactionary skulls: I don’t care why you think you are correct. You are both wrong. Period.”

“What I do care about is that right now, at this moment, you’re both acting like petulant 5-year-olds, pointing to their mummies that the other one started it. Petulant little kids with bombs.”

“Never mind the deaths you both have caused in both sides. Never mind the idiotic interpretations you’ve made of your corresponding sacred texts to justify them. Never mind the never-ending spin, misinformation tactics, and baffling hypocrisy you’ve both employed to gain international support. Stupidities like spreading propaganda that condemns the spread of propaganda, being proud of having the ‘most humane army’, or blaming the other side of ‘war crimes’. Never mind that you are ignoring a very important fact: all wars are crimes.”

“Never mind any of that. The most infuriating part of all of this is that your own history, your own philosophies, your own religions, are holding the answer to all of this. It was right in front you and you have missed it all this time: YOU ARE THE SAME.”

“Both of you have felt the lives of being refugees. Both of you have religions that state, very clearly, that you should not murder. Both of you have solidified what really means to treat your neighbor as brother, and that family is everything. Both of you have struggled in exactly the same way.”

“The problem is that, you’re carrying too much generational baggage, and you actually believe it matters. It doesn’t. It really, really doesn’t. What does matter is that the more you shout at, and bomb, and kill people on the other side, the more weight you’re adding to what your children will need to carry. The course you both have chosen to walk together will only end until both of you kill each other.”

Shouting at both of them, spilling his soul onto the table.

“For the love of Jehovah and Allah, and for the sake of your children, just, please, stop!”

He stops briefly to gain his composure. A deep sigh of resignation softly exits his body. He nods, and continues.

“I would love to believe that this speech would be enough. But, like I said, I know you, and I know it won’t. There are no words to change the way you think, and that’s what makes all of this so difficult for me. Because you yourselves are like bombs.”

“Bombs that are fuelled by a deadly combination of pride, prejudice, stubbornness, and arrogance, with a short fuse that is always lighted time and time again by a misplaced sense of ancestral entitlement. You can’t talk to a bomb, you can’t reason with it, the only thing that is left to do with a bomb is to... to...”

His pause seemed infinite. He can’t finish that sentence. It’s too cruel. He bites his lip. He needs to continue.

“You see, the more you insist that the other should be obliterated, the more I wish that both of you were obliterated.”

His voice starts to crack. 

“And may God forgive me for saying this, but I’m right now wishing you both didn’t exist, because, well, simply, you are tearing away my faith in God.”

Standing up, fighting the urge to weep at what he was about to say:

“Because if God was truly infallible, He wouldn’t have created you. Any of you.”

Both stare at him, wide-eyed. Their eyes are filled with judgement of sacrilege.

“You are open books to me, and you don’t get to judge me. You are a couple of so called God’s Soldiers that are just following orders from petulant men. You, your existence, is the true blasphemy here. And, since neither of you are able to see that, you have convinced me that you are not worthy of doing God’s work. At least not the way you’re behaving right now.”

“A friend once told me that if you see something wrong with the world, it’s actually God telling you to fix it. So here’s my fix:”

He brings into view two brain scans. Both brain scans appear to not be of the same person, but both have a small dark section right in their cross-section. He hands one to one man, and hands another to the other.

“These are your brains, and I have arranged to put, inside each of them, a small warhead with the destructive power of a hand grenade. They are armed, and the firing mechanism is being fed by your own life support. Meaning, if you die, your head will blow up. However, both of these mechanisms are linked: if one blows up, so will the other.”

Both men look at each other, with stares of bafflement and shock.

“You have been living under the assumption that the world would be better off without the other. I’m taking that option away from you.”

He takes the tapes off of their mouths and unties them off their seats.

“Now you need to go and live your lives with the knowledge that for one to live, so does the other. Coincidentally, this was the truth all along. I hope unifying that truth with your favorite toy, helps it sink in.”

Shaken but satisfied, he steps back into the shadows while a door opens on the other side of the room, letting sunlight in. He does not witness that, at least for a moment, both men keep sitting down while their stares change, from a sense of mutual hatred, to something else.

“He said we still have a couple of hours.”

“Yeah. Lets talk.”

“We need some aspirin. My head is killing me.”

“Mine too.”

Two small, almost unidentifiable chuckles were carried outside the room by the dry wind of the Mediterranean Sea.

Reforma

El PDF de donde me basé:

http://www.senado.gob.mx/sgsp/gaceta/62/2/2014-03-24-1/assets/documentos/Ini_Telecomunicaciones.pdf

1) Página 29, en la sección de Neutralidad de las Redes:

“Para asegurar que estos beneficios se hagan una realidad, se requiere garantizar que los usuarios de los servicios puedan acceder a cualquier contenido, aplicación o servicio ofrecido por el concesionario de su red o por otros. En este orden de ideas, en la presente iniciativa se considera que LOS CONCESARIONARIOS NO DEBEN LIMITAR, DEGRADAR, RESTRINGIR O DISCRIMINAR EL ACCESO A CUALQUIER SERVICIO, sea provisto e su red o en otras, NI LIMITAR EL DERECHO DE LOS USUARIOS DEL SERVICIO DE INTERNET a incorporar o utilizar cualquier clase de instrumentos, dispositivos o aparatos que se conecten a su red, salvo que medie orden de autoridad competente por la existencia de algún ilícito o infracción administrativa o el propio usuario solicite la restricción.”

La parte de “salvo que medie orden de autoridad competente por la existencia de algún ilícito” es el estándar de seguridad a nivel internacional (en casos de pornografía infantil, hack ilegales, etc.). Y la “orden de autoridad” es básicamente una orden de cateo como parte de un caso legal. No lo pueden hacer cuando se les pegue la gana por razones comerciales, lo cual lo reafirman en la página 140, artículo 141:

"Los concesionarios con participación pública deberán sujetarse a principios de neutralidad a la competencia cuando sus fines sean comerciales."


2) Página 141, artículo 145, fracción II:

"Privacidad. Deberán preservar la privacidad de los usuarios y la seguridad de la red. Podrán bloquear el acceso a determinados contenidos, aplicaciones o servicios A PETICIÓN EXPRESA DEL USUARIO, cuando media orden de autoridad o sean contrarios a alguna normatividad."

Este artículo sólo habla de la privacidad de la información del usuario, no de servicios comerciales. Lo cual se reafirma en la página 142, artículo 146:

"Los concesionarios y los autorizados que presten el servicio de acceso a internet podrán hacer ofertas según las necesidades de los segmentos de mercado y clientes, DIFERENCIANDO ENTRE NIVELES DE CAPACIDAD, VELOCIDAD O CALIDAD."

Lo único que pueden diferenciar es en la calidad de conexión, que ya lo hacen con los paquetes de velocidad 5 MBs, 10 MBs, etc.


3) Lo único que veo extraño es en la página 158, artículo 197, fracción VII:

"Bloquear, inhibir, o anular de manera temporal las señales de telecomunicaciones en EVENTOS Y LUGARES CRÍTICOS PARA LA SEGURIDAD PÚBLICA Y NACIONAL a solicitud de las autoridades competentes."

Aquí la definición de “seguridad pública y nacional” no está bien definida. Según el Centro de Investigación y Seguridad Nacional (CISEN), y la Ley de Seguridad Nacional, define “seguridad nacional” como:

Las acciones destinadas de manera inmediata y directa a mantener la integridad, estabilidad y permanencia del Estado Mexicano que conlleven a:

a) Proteger al país frente a riesgos y amenazas.
b) Preservar la soberanía, independencia, territorio y la unidad de la federación.
c) Mantener el orden constitucional y fortalecer las instituciones democráticas de gobierno.
d) Defender al país frente a otros Estados o sujetos de derecho internacional.
Preservar el régimen democrático fundado en el desarrollo social, económico y político.

http://www.cisen.gob.mx/snSegNal.html

Esto me suena a problemas mayormente internacionales, a excepción del punto C, que podría interpretarse como problemas internos.

La CISEN expresa como parte de las amenazas las siguientes actividades:

“Espionaje, sabotaje, terrorismo (incluyendo actividades de financiamiento), REBELION, traición a la patria, genocidio, tráfico ilegal de materiales nucleares, de armas químicas, biológicas y convencionales de destrucción masiva, y actos en contra de la seguridad de la aviación y la navegación marítima.”

http://www.cisen.gob.mx/snAmenazasRiesgos.html

Por lo tanto, vale, este último punto si tiene mérito explorar y proponer una modificación al artículo 197, fracción VII a algo como:

“Bloquear, inhibir, o anular de manera temporal las señales de telecomunicaciones en EVENTOS Y LUGARES CRÍTICOS PARA LA SEGURIDAD PÚBLICA Y NACIONAL a solicitud de las autoridades competentes, sólo en casos de amenaza internacional y nunca en casos que inhiban al derecho a la protesta social.”

Si esto es lo que se quiere protestar, me uno, mientras que no estén protestando por algo que no está ahí: siento que las campañas en las redes sociales tienen que realmente leer la reforma y no brincar automáticamente al lado negativo sólo porque viene del gobierno. Ni siquiera Estados Unidos tiene considerado poner Neutralidad de la Red como parte de sus leyes, cuando esta reforma esta explícitamente haciéndolo.

Speech Strumpet

Freedom of speech is quite the whore. It is to be used by anybody and for whatever purpose, even ill-fated ones. Lies and truths are welcomed all the same, because that cheap wench is open like a casserole at a garden party: anybody can stick their tongue in and have a lick.

And, like any sexy call girl, it is usually the object of jealousy from people that don't fully grasp how these things work. You've seen it happen: one party has an opinion and uses freedom of speech to tell the world about it; a second party comes along that disagrees with that opinion, and also uses it to tell the world about its disagreement; then the first party wants to take away the freedom from the second party, as if it should belong only to one. Like a gambling man in love with last night's hooker: he should have known that he's not the only customer worthy of her loving embrace.

Freedom of speech is a prostitute that can be used free of charge by anyone. To think that its usage depends of the circumstances, is hypocritically postulating that only certain opinions are allowed to spend the night with it. Unfortunately for those opinions, and fortunately for the rest, every opinion gets the same sticky turn as everybody else.

Homophobic creationists, holocaust deniers, biased scholars arguing why we should relieve tax burden from billionaires, and lobby-paid pundits talking about how a war will bring peace, are exactly the same in the semen-painted face of our beloved harlot as scientists talking about evolution, and civil-rights defenders.

Why? Because when it comes to being free to speak my mind, it doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong or crude. It's my speech, and I have the right to speak it whenever, wherever, however I want, regardless of its veracity or prudence. Don't worry, though. There'll be quite a lot of other people that will call me out if they think I'm wrong, and they'll do it by banging that same open-legged trollop in much the same way I did.

It's a free market of speech, and like most free markets, it has the ability to balance itself out. Why not trust it will? Why is it that whenever a lie is provided as a fact in a public setting, a big outcry always roars to censor the liar? If I didn't know any better, I would think that people are not only jealous of somebody else caressing their courtesan, but that they have a sadistic itch that needs to be scratched. That the people are drawn to the idea of forcing our legal system, supposedly unbiased, to silence very specific ideologies. Like a choke ball forced into a victim's mouth, providing terrible precedence for any future bearer of an unpopular opinion. And, worse yet, it's counter-productive: the liar can masochistically welcome the censorship-choke-ball, making it easy for him to pose as a martyr, causing more attention to his lie.

A more elegant and, frankly, more effective way is entrenched in the bosom of that same old tart called freedom of speech: if somebody tells a lie publicly, provide the world a verifiable truth to counter it. When an alternative is brought forward that is more convincing than the lie (either by form or content), people will flock away from it eventually. And whoever stays behind with the lie, are masochists that will never change their mind anyway.

Like everybody else, you are free to shove your speech right up the freedom-lubricated rectum of that libido-packed fille de joie, to tell the world how reality really is... according to you... And if somebody else has a different perspective than you: just pull out, wipe yourself, and let them take their turn. It'll be yours again soon enough.

As a wise imp once said, "When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar, you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say."

Charity

Glossing over the Facebook status and/or Twitter posts of various people I'm following, the ones that center around "Restoring Faith in Humanity" always catch my eye.

You know the ones: about a someone helping the homeless, or about that guy that has always brought flowers to her wife for the last half-century, or about that lady that picked the little puppy in the side of the street.

They're all great, and most, if not all, bring a tear to my eye. Specially the ones that are posted by someone that is NOT the person that did the deed. Why? Because it implies that they did it completely selflessly.

For example, one of my favorites is the one about a guy leaving a note and a $50 bill to another guy after hearing him breaking up with his girlfriend. The money was intended to be broken into $1 bills so that the guy could go to a strip club and cheer up. From afar it could be taken as obnoxious and disgusting, but, from the point of view of the note-leaver, this was actually pretty cool of him. I think it's safe to assume that a strip club is the way that he gets over break ups and he wanted to help his neighbor out. Even more so, the fact that he left a note implies that both guys weren't really that close, so this guy wound up technically helping out a complete stranger (in his own way).

There's this thing though about these stories that always bugs me: he signed the note. Why would he do that? Everything was beautiful about this story: the guy was sad, and here comes somebody that wants to help out, which is great by its own, but also "Faith in Humanity is Restored" as now he knows that there is at least one person that cares about him... who lives in apartment 3F.

See, that's the bit that bites out the selflessness of the whole thing. It wasn't completely selfless, the guy took with him the feeling of "being a good guy" and the knowledge that somebody knows it. That is to say, the guy got something out of it, breaking the selflessness.

"Look at me, look at how I'm helping people out." The act is not really done to help people, it's for somebody to feel good about his- or herself.

Don't get me wrong: it's a great incentive to do something good for others. And even better, because whenever those acts are carried out, the benefited party feels as though they "owe" the good-doer. But, in these cases, it can be stated, very honestly, that the favor in itself was the reward. The good-doer feels good about his- or herself; that's what he/she took away from the deed, so nobody owes anything.

My issue here is when it's not honest from this point of view; when the good-doer feels as though what he/she has done is completely selfless when in reality it's not:

"I helped this puppy out of the water. Aren't I such a selfless person?"

Why are you recording yourself doing it?

"I gave so much food to charity. I'm so selfless."

Why are you signing your name in the charity's register and letting people take your picture while you're doing it?

"I'm walking this marathon to raise money for Cancer. Selflessness is my middle name."

Isn't just donating the money directly to the charity a faster way to raise money for it? Why are YOU running? How is running even connected to Cancer? Aren't you just running so people know that YOU are a great person?
And don't get me started about that "raising awareness" argument: donating the money to do a marketing campaign is much easier and hits the target right in the center to achieve that. The marathon is to celebrate YOU, not the charity.

Disclosure: I need to thank Doug Stanhope for this last bit, from whom I basically stole it from. This argument was stuck in my head for so long, and he eloquently formed it in his last comedy special, Beer Hall Putsch.

Still, though, if we need to use the common flaw of vanity of humans for something good, I guess making them feel as a "selfless good person" as their share of the selfless deed seems like a good patch for now, even if they aren't aware of the hypocrisy that it involves. It IS better than doing nothing, which is, sadly, its only virtue. Well, that, and that these stories are "feel-good" entertainment for a lazy Friday afternoon.

EDIT 2014-06-20: The video clip of Doug Stanhope has been taken down. Oh well...

Old Criticisms

I find myself bothered when it comes to criticism. Well, not the abstract concept of criticism, but when people do it. Actually, I think I'm mainly bothered by people, period; but that's a whole other story.

With the recent surgence of remakes of classic science fiction movies, it has dawned on me that we humans tend to not be easily satisfied (if it is at all possible).

For example, fictional characters, when being remade, are usually criticized for being "too new": the new Khan didn't quote Moby Dick like the original did, Superman shouldn't kill because the original didn't, the new Spiderman is too nerdy and socially awkward from the original, and Uncle Ben didn't say the classic quote of power and responsibility.

[By the way: the original Khan Moby Dick's quotes were cute but ultimately made the Ahab comparison too on the nose and made me lose interest in the character; Superman does kill Zod and the two other kryptonians in the comics and is considered canon (Superman #22); Peter Parker was nerdy as hell, but we didn't realize it because we ourselves were nerds; the power and responsibility quote is not originally from Uncle Ben, it is said by the narrator (Amazing Fantasy #15).]

This situation is beautifully presented when it comes to Star Trek movies. There's this generally accepted rule that the even-numbered films (Wrath of Khan, Nemesis, etc.) outperform the odd-numbered ones (Search for Spock, Final Frontier, etc.). So, when people start describing something as "too new", it implies that they are comparing it to supposedly better things in the good old days. My question here is: which things are they comparing them to? Mathematically speaking, half of the things they are comparing them to are regarded as crap.

We can take this further if we then consider that those characters, in other circumstances, were criticized for being "too old": Superman Returns was too boring as there's nothing new on the character; every self-respecting Spiderman fan hated the Maguire movies because they didn't add anything to the character; the new Spiderman sucked because it's the same old story.

[By the way: Superman Returns puts Kal-El in an emotional journey having Louis' boyfriend be a good dad to his own kid, something rarely seen in the comics; the Maguire movies turned out to be the gold standard when the Garfield one came out by those same self-respecting Spiderman fans.]

So, apparently, we want things to stay the essentially the same, but have a fresh perspective on the subject matter. Sadly, this contradiction also goes for "too depressing but not too cheerful", "too violent but not too bland", and "too intense but not too indifferent".

If we want something to get better, the first thing it requires is that its faults are pointed out, and satisfaction should only be an option until it gets better. I would be all for it if it were that. This, however, is not a step to get something better, but a vehicle with which pseudo-opinions are presented as a type of evidence of an intellect that craves being acknowledged and regarded as edgy and non-mainstream. I would call it pedantry, but it would require that those opinions were well-founded, but this is rarely the case.

If you don't like something, fine, but at least have the balls to be true to yourself and know that the reason you don't like something is not because it is "too this" or "too that", it is because there is nothing that is going to beat your past. You know, the past, when you were young and energetic and everything that was good in your life happened. These types of criticisms are not objective thoughts of the present, they are subjective feelings of the past.

I drink a glass of milk after a meal and love the smell of burning wood. I'm aware that these are things I like because they have a subconscious weight on my feelings, and I let them flow through, but I don't expect everybody to regard these things as enjoyable.

I didn't like the Dragonball movie or the Last Airbender movie because they presented a reality that was too far away from what I like of those characters. However, they are not "too new" nor "too old" nor "too violent" nor "too bland", it's just that I, me, myself, didn't like them. I am the problem. The movie and I are far away from each other, but the movie is already made and can't be changed, so I am the one that is too far away. If I didn't like the movie, the problem is not the movie, the problem is me.

Answering "why didn't I like this movie?" instead of "why did this movie sucked?" provides much more interesting answers and, at the very least, makes for a much more interesting conversation when discussing the movie with other people that have a different opinion than me. Saying "the movie didn't show the character as it should have" is a statement that is really implying "the character I like is the one I knew when I was 5; this movie didn't portray that, so I didn't like it". Hell, even "there is this concept of the character in my head that no movie has shown, and this wasn't the exception" is a more amusing topic of conversation and, not to mention, it has the rarely quality of being true.

Bully

My name is Caleb, and I was bullied... heavily. I was beat up, called a "puto" (fag), "marica" (pussy), "culebra" (snake; because I was skinny), I was publicly ridiculed because of my good grades (which can really screw up a kid's priorities), and thrown into trash cans making me feel, literally, like trash. I can still smell the rotten banana in my face.

I was bullied. So, to the parents that are going to read this and don't like it and are going to defend themselves with saying that I don't have children, that I don't know what I'm talking about, to those parents I say, "I was bullied. In this regard, I know your children better than you. In this regard, you don't know what you're talking about."

Words can hurt more than punches (believe you me). "Standing up to the bully" for many parents means to punch back or insult back. It doesn't work, it just escalates it into other kinds of violence. What it really does is to create bullies from the bullied, and I know, I was one too. It was thought as the "natural order of things": you get beat up by stronger kids, so you beat up the weaker than you. It doesn't work, it just feeds itself.

The problem with all of this is that it is thought that the solution can be brought from outside the home: the school should be a safe haven for kids from violence, punish bullies from saying "bad or offensive words" (like faggot or pussy, as if they wouldn't make up another word with the same sentiment behind it), bring in the police if necessary.

What about the parents? The usual is to not even bring up the concept of talking to the bully's parents because "most of them won't care". My answer is "fine, then don't". Although, for the record, it may be possible to make a case that raising a kid to be violent is a type of child abuse. Still, my point when asking that question is not about the bully's parents, I'm talking about the bullied's parents.

The reason why I'm still here, not having committed suicide (which I thought of, a lot), is because of my mom. She ripped it out of me one day, when I came back from school after getting beat up (which I usually hid because of shame). Bullies are smart, they will hit you in places that are difficult to notice scars or bruises. Once she forced me to confess (she knew when I was hiding something, still does) and saw what was done to me, she didn't call the principal, she didn't call the other kid's parents, she talked to me, and what she told me became the prologue to my fight against bullying: "They didn't do this because you did something wrong, it was because there is something wrong with them."

That completely turned the whole ordeal around for me. It wasn't instantaneous, it took a while to wrap my head around it (years even), but the prime feeling that I used to feel for them shifted from anger/hate to sympathy. I tried to find out what was happening to each of them, to get a backstory of why they were so angry, and every time I was put in front of their anger I knew why it was happening. I didn't say a word in the beginning, but almost at the end of junior high, I started to speak up. Not in an insulting manner, but as an offering "I know why you're doing this. If it makes you feel better, go ahead."

Radical I know, but that sentiment was disarming, even to the point that a couple of times I made friends that way. Not "lets go to the movies together" type of friends, but more of the type of "I won't call you 'culebra' anymore", which, given the circumstances, was a step up.

In one occasion, a bully and I were in the principal office because somebody found him with his hands around my neck. I made up a story of why I my neck was red ("I had an itch, so these scratches are from that."). The bully at first thought that I was making it up for the sake of not tattling (which would've meant more hurt after for me). The principal knew I was lying, and asked me if I was sure that's what happened, and after I said "I don't want him to get in trouble because of a silly misunderstanding" his face changed. He knew I meant "trouble" as in "get beat up by his dad". His face remained changed the rest of my stay in that school.

When one bully (one of the harshest) was being considered for expulsion from the school, the principal and some teachers came to our group and asked our opinion. When my turn came to speak I said that "He has friends in this class that make him happy." (alluring to the fact that he wasn't happy at home) The principal responded that I was one of the persons that he most aggravated. I responded "I didn't say I was one of them. But, he's still a classmate." Coincidentally, when he was let back into the school, he avoided me. Again, a step up from the routine.

It wasn't easy, and, sometimes even brought more hurt than good, but my parents were always there to talk it over (which we did, a lot), always watching that I wasn't getting too hurt, and always telling me that they were proud of the sentiment I had behind of what I was doing. It made me a better person, I think, and brought me closer to my parents as well as my classmates (at least, some of them). It made me realize that a "bully" is not a criminal that we should lock away and forget, but only a troubled kid that needs help, and maybe I can do something, if only a little.

I think this is the way to tackle the "bullying problem": yes, with the parents, but with all of them (both the bully's and the bullied's). The school is not somewhere you just drop your kids and having them returned as complete human beings. If you think that the school is a safe haven for anything, you're giving it too much credit. The teachers provide knowledge and, sometimes, inspiration; the curriculum, some structure; the cafeteria, bad food. Other than that, it is up to the kids and their parents to get along. There are going to be bullies throughout the child's life, and making him/her a victim will only come back to bite him/her in the ass in the long run. So, I propose to use the situation as a learning opportunity for sympathy towards somebody that really needs it; to not to "stand up to the bully", but "stand up with the bully". I bet it'll be the best lesson your kid will ever learn from school.

Lets not be Dicks

There is a very interesting thread going about in Reddit.com, where the original poster proposed a little exercise. Think about a topic in which you have a really good grasp on and have decided your position on; now write an argument about the opposing position.

I remember this being a common exercise in Debate Team (yes, I was part of one of those; are you seriously surprised?), and one that at first was very frustrating. Then, when I got the hang of it, it was fun to get to know the 'other side', as if I was a spy infiltrating the enemy, getting intelligence to overthrow a brutal dictatorship. However, that ability came with another frustrating edge: indecision.

At the moment that I stepped over that line, and wondered about arguments that I knew were wrong, after a while of hearing them and empathizing with their proponents, I usually wound up not knowing what to believe, what to think. And a lot of the current controversies (in politics, society, economy, etc.) are usually textbook examples of how opposing views have sound arguments. This is probably the reason why there are so many zealots out there: is far easier (and frankly, much better for one's sanity) to go to an extreme view of a topic, not hear the other side, and stay there.

I grew up with a moderately-conservative family; Christian in its core, but definitely not one of those Jesus-is-coming-next-weekend-so-you-need-to-repent-now, batshit crazy kinds. Like in any other family, we had discussions; we still do. But, the difference with my family is that we relish them. We love to talk about things, and try to make the other person admit "you might have a point there"; not precisely win the discussion, just make the other side come a little bit to our side. However, there are some topics that are still considered taboo in the Rascon household (my parents still consider themselves Christian after all): sexuality, existence of Jesus, and, the all-time favorite, abortion.

This topic has been the bread-and-butter of many Debate Competitions, and it has been beaten to the ground to the point that you are guaranteed to hear a sufferable groan of at least one team member when it is proposed to be debated. The reason for this is, of course, that both sides, like it or not, make good points. Now, now, I know what you're thinking, and I'm pretty sure it's one of the following:

Life begins at conception. Abortion is murder, clean and simple.
Or
You don't have any right to dictate what I can do with my body.

Did I oversimplify? Most definitely. And that's the problem: it's not a simple topic.

 

Pro-choice's view: Life is still something that is very difficult to define. It moves and breathes? So does my urine bladder. The presence of DNA? Cancer cells have it. Potential for life? A carbon clump also has it.

So to use that not-at-all-defined argument as a way of heavily stepping over the corporal jurisdiction of someone that is very much alive and well is, pardon the pun, overkill, and a dangerous precedent for futures lawmakers. What about if the mother's life is at stake? What if there is a severe disease that is going to give more suffering in the long run? What if the parents are not ready to provide the right financial/emotional care? Pro-lifers usually think about the 'life' being taken away, not the 'quality of life' which is as important. And if the 'potentiality' of life is being provided as argument, so does the 'potentiality of a bad/good life'.

 

(Take a breath.)

 

Pro-life's view: If life doesn't begin at conception, when does it begin? Where do you cross the line of imposing your corporal jurisdiction over the life of another person? The fetus does turn into a person at some point, and beyond that point, stating "it's my body, I can do what I want with it" doesn't hold when there's another person's body inside of you: it isn't just your body anymore. And killing as part of your birth control plan is borderline sociopathic.

And this also can cause a dangerous precedent for future lawmakers. If it is accepted to end a pregnancy based on whatever the woman wants, would it be fine to end the pregnancy over the matter of, say, the fetus' gender (because she wanted a boy instead of a girl)? Or because the fetus' father is someone other than the woman's partner? Or because at the last minute (literally, when she's about to give birth) she decided she didn't want to be a mother anymore?

 

I hear you say "there's always adoption!" That's a whole other subject, really. How good will the foster parents be? How good will the orphanage take care of the infant in the mean time? And even if these cases were all optimal, the pregnancy will still need to be carried through, which is the central point of the topic.

I admit using a bit of reduction ad absurdum (aka. the Slippery Slope tactic) in the arguments above, but my point is that the topic isn't simple, and both sides have important and sound points to be considered.

Is difficult to deny, however, that really the main point here is: where do you draw the line? At what point does the potentiality of life trump the woman's corporal jurisdiction? It's hard to say, but what is clear is that any answer to that question would imply some sort of compromise from both sides. And I'd like to weigh in on one:

If the question is hard to answer, why not stick to something that we can agree on? If the process is going to happen (even if it's "morally wrong", people are still going to do it, legal or not), why not do it in a way in which the fetus will not feel pain? So regardless if it's murder or not, at least lets not make the fetus (whatever you think it is) not suffer in the process. I know that this subtopic is also very debated, and there isn't a consensus there either (big surprise), and it should be put in lower priority if the health of the mother is at stake. But, it's a good step forward, from both sides, to comply that, whatever happens to the fetus, at least lets not be dicks about it. And this is what I think the whole point of "listening to the other side" boils down to.

Yes, stepping over that line is frustrating (I can only imagine the comments that this post is going to get), and makes you constantly doubt your own arguments over and over. But it also sometimes provides a nice way to step forward. Sometimes it makes people come a little bit to your side. Sometimes it makes you feel like less of a dick. And that's worth the effort.