Snow... all over again

It's snowing... it's been a long while since I haven't seen snow in Juarez (I'm over here on vacations). I thought I forgot how it looked like, but at the first sign of it, I knew it was the beginning of snow.

If I remember correctly, the last time I saw snow was around the Christmas parties or New Year's before I moved to Queretaro: 2001? Wow, six years just flew by.

I miss everybody here, but haven't got the opportunity or will to come out of bed. I'm a little bit sick, so that works as a good excuse to not do anything. I get why I'm using it to not work: it's the holidays, I'm genuinely tired to do anything, and, well, I'm a lazy ass, so there. But, to not see them, I don't know, I guess I don't want to get in there again, maybe just Hugo would be nice, but if I see him, I'm probably going to see her, which would be nice too, but I know it would just suck when we we're over it. I'm still feeling that, god damn it, and I can't help it, I've really tried to ignore it, but it just keeps coming back. I wonder if this is how my love life's going to be from now on: in love with memories, in love with her back then...

It's weird, though. I'm concient of it, doesn't that require a little maturity? I thought I've already grown up, apparently not. I'm still seventeen, but without her. I guess this is how it would've felt... I guess I should be grateful for that... I guess that, yes, this is my love life from now on.

My cousin, Jonathan, is planning to get married this time next year. I'm probably the only one in both of my parent's families who's not involved with someone right now. Maybe, I hope, this' a blessing in disguise: because of my life right now, I don't think a relationship would actually fit in there. Not because I'm too busy (God knows that I can find the time), but because of my plans: probably the same reason why I didn't pursue anything in Queretaro after her (God, I can't even pronounce her name!).

It is working, though. The move to England, I mean. I feel stressed out, of course, when haven't felt that? But because of other issues. It still not as clear as I would like it to be. It still scares me as hell of what I'm going to do about the scholarship money, and, if I get it, what to do after my studies there. But, they are new fears, new bacteria to take the place of the old, much more devastating one. Replacing work for love... and I'm starting to have friends over there, few, but interesting (like always). And Hugo is still there like he always has been...

Damn... Julia is a tough act to follow... (and believe me, this last sentence took a lot out of me).

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