Back to reality, cold in me.
Throat sinking and not only from the writhe of the now ever-present, ever-confusing clouds, but also from the ache of the now ever-absent presence of my loved everything.
Back to reality, headache-ly.
I'm getting tired just thinking of the return to that life; but enthusiastic about it nonetheless. It's a bittersweet feeling, I think is the word; a crumble of tasty mud running through my gums, although disgusting to the touch, it is cleansing.
Back to reality, and sleepy.
Back to reality, truthfully.
Back to reality, lonely.
I feel like crying, again, and I might later on if energy none-withstanding.
I feel like running away, again, and I am, in a way, from the other reality that is my hometown.
I feel like the same, again, but I'm not... I'm not... I don't know how I know this, but I feel it. Not too different, of course (this writing is evidence of such), but enough to notice it from a couple of years ago.
Is you, isn't it? I might resolve that a person changes in small ways, in small increments through time, which may be right, but there was a jump, a big step recently. It was you, wasn't it? How? Why? It can't be possible for me to feel this importantly towards you without the pressure that comes with it... is it my wish coming true? Or is it that I'm so accustomed to pressure that I'm not feeling it? If so, is that a bad thing?
You're not here, but you're present... you're there, but you're not. You're becoming the breeze behind my ear when sleeping, the creative thought when typing, the whisper that wakes me up at night. Where are you? And how come I'm so at peace with not knowing? Am I truly not letting myself control this? Am I really sitting this one out and see it play itself out? Are we winning? Why is it that I don't mind if we're not?
... Ja! Because we're plural now ... we ... Nothing else matters, we are we. We are bound, we are going to struggle, we are we and that makes all the difference: it is we now, not you, not me, but we ... although a little bit late: welcome ...