Where I'm Going

"I don't know where I'm going", one of the many themes of my life throughout it. It has been plaguing my conscience since I was given the gift of memory... or, depending how you see it, the curse of remembrance. It is this lack of knowledge that has, ironically, made me who I am: lonely, confused, and detoured.

Little by little I've been finding peace in that confusion: the fact of not having control on everything has evolved from being torture to a feeling of liberation; loneliness has finally uncovered itself as something that my subconscious yearns for, so I shouldn't escape from it; the sun has its virtues, and the moon isn't perfect.

I tend to write these posts as a way of freeing from me my demons and my angels, to communicate to the world what I'm feeling, and, thus, let go. However, as I read through my life, there hasn't been the change that I was trying to accomplish: I still don't know where I'm going. I find myself wanting my past, probably because I know how it ends. I keep seeing in others those entities that have followed me here, and they don't let me grasp on the current situation of uncertainty. I keep recognising patterns that are probably not there, and I cry and follow them as if I'm back then. There have been a couple of times in which nobody could deny the familiarity between the two instances (past and present), and it has been those couple of times that have been (and are) difficult.

However (oh, how I'm loving that word right now), a thought has come to me, for which I'm ever so eternally grateful for. That is the next step, that is the next peaceful confusion that I need to conquer and, from what I'm recollecting, I am (we are) doing slow-but-steady progress on:

No se a dónde voy, pero sé con quién voy.

I don't know where I'm going, but I know who I'm going with.

Alejandro Jodorowsky

Thank you... thank you so much, my love.

Crosses

I haven't written or recorded in a long time, so I've decided to do both:

The song has greatly impacted me since I knew of the existence of José González. I first heard it when he was touring with Zero 7, where they played their version of the song. It sounded like that kind of sound that could mean different things to different people, each, in essence, hearing a different song.

It's interesting how people do that. One person says one thing, and the other understands another. Not because of stupidity or ignorance, but because it's our nature. We carry baggage that gets in the way. Our sub-conscience is very powerful and sometimes can distort things to a point of creating misunderstandings. I've tried leaving some of my baggage to rest with some success, but I think that such baggage can identify a great deal who we are. It's in that decision of what we carry and what we leave in the road that truly defines us.

Coincidentally, what I hear from the song is exactly that: crossroads, decisions, and the baggage that goes with it. This recording shows how I listened to it... this is my version.