Where I'm Going

"I don't know where I'm going", one of the many themes of my life throughout it. It has been plaguing my conscience since I was given the gift of memory... or, depending how you see it, the curse of remembrance. It is this lack of knowledge that has, ironically, made me who I am: lonely, confused, and detoured.

Little by little I've been finding peace in that confusion: the fact of not having control on everything has evolved from being torture to a feeling of liberation; loneliness has finally uncovered itself as something that my subconscious yearns for, so I shouldn't escape from it; the sun has its virtues, and the moon isn't perfect.

I tend to write these posts as a way of freeing from me my demons and my angels, to communicate to the world what I'm feeling, and, thus, let go. However, as I read through my life, there hasn't been the change that I was trying to accomplish: I still don't know where I'm going. I find myself wanting my past, probably because I know how it ends. I keep seeing in others those entities that have followed me here, and they don't let me grasp on the current situation of uncertainty. I keep recognising patterns that are probably not there, and I cry and follow them as if I'm back then. There have been a couple of times in which nobody could deny the familiarity between the two instances (past and present), and it has been those couple of times that have been (and are) difficult.

However (oh, how I'm loving that word right now), a thought has come to me, for which I'm ever so eternally grateful for. That is the next step, that is the next peaceful confusion that I need to conquer and, from what I'm recollecting, I am (we are) doing slow-but-steady progress on:

No se a dónde voy, pero sé con quién voy.
I don't know where I'm going, but I know who I'm going with.
Alejandro Jodorowsky

Thank you... thank you so much, my love.

2 comments:

Carmen said...

Yo también pensé lo mismo cuando la leí, te amo =*

Sin said...

In a world where change is the only constant we find ourselves finding that our ghosts of our past are still there along with us, until we learn, yes to let go. But what is letting go? For your past is also what makes you be yourself at the present? so how much is it good to let go? I say not all... I say we should let go of the ghost yes...but keep the memory locked up in a safe place, with lessons that life teaches us, because that is what will make us better people at the end. Our heartache will turn to happiness. It's written in the sky. :)