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Today I went to see a very old friend of mine... God! I'm so attracted to her. But I know it's just the need to be with someone... or, is it? I mean, it's been like this for almost a year now. I've tried seeing other people, but there's nothing that can fill me like she does, stress me like she does, piss me off like she does... make me at ease like she does.

I hate this, though. Because I'm not sure if this is really what I think it is. She's seeing someone else, and the guy hates me... some stuff has happened that, although I'm not proud of, I wouldn't take back for a second. So I don't blame him. He's a very good guy and has treated her beautifully.

I've tried being only friends, but it's hard... ironic, I actually bragged about being able to do that but there's always this tension from at least one of us that doesn't let it be just a friendship. We have a history together that I can't erase to not think of when I see her or just read an email from her.

I've tried not seeing her at all... but always one of us falls into seeing each other to at least talk a while (being me the one with the bigger number of falls) which always lead to the dreaded but awaited conversation of us.

Crap, I'm seeing a pattern here... looks like I'm the one after her. "Yeah, but who's following you?" (I hated that movie)

6 comments:

duff said...

i used to pride myself on staying friends with my exes. then a couple just dropped out of sight, i still hear from one every now and then, and the others....well it seems the problem is that one of you always wants more, the other wants less, so you compromise and have an awkward friendship.

Nihil said...

Uhmm... first of all... wow, a comment on that post was really the last thing that I expected.

Second... thanks.

Third... tough break on that guy that's... uhmm... what's the word here? "stalking" you? I don't know, je. (I've started to read your blog... nice).

Fourth... I'm guessing you figured that I like numbering stuff out.

Fifth... thanks. =)

Sixth... I like the way you write. And I'm kinda verbal glitch myself (or glyx, frankly I don't remember the word). Seems that I'm a lirical glitch as well.

Seventh... thanks. I hope I'll read more from you.

Caleb

Chuckie Pumpkinhead said...

AHHH now I understand WHY you write in English.. Ok dude, I'll do so..

Well My little friend, Friendship in these situations, is the LEAST desirable thing to feel with someone you Love so much. But it's necessary. Indeed.
I knnow it's hard to hold on, to stand up before extreme situations, as when you see her kissing with the other guy (GOD that REALLY HURTS!!!), but patience should be kept by someone... Why not trying yourself?
Everything that Love needs to transform is time. NOT ANOTHER PERSON, Never. Maybe a bigger Love may the other one as a smaller one, then you can call it friendship.
I have a phrase in these 3 months of constant change: "The only thing that comforts me is the fact that the next Love will be bigger than this, this feeling will be overwhelmed by other, because it's the way it's been happening in my life" and, indeedly, there's always something that tops over many things.

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